OPM Quotes

Steps to Improving Self-Esteem

2008-11-07T20:10:00.000-08:00

Try to stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself. If you're used to focusing on your shortcomings, start thinking about positive aspects of yourself that outweigh them. When you catch yourself being too critical, counter it by saying something positive about yourself. Each day, write down three things about yourself that make you happy.

Aim for accomplishments rather than perfection. Some people become paralyzed by perfection. Instead of holding yourself back with thoughts like, "I won't audition for the play until I lose 10 pounds," think about what you're good at and what you enjoy, and go for it.

View mistakes as learning opportunities. Accept that you will make mistakes because everyone does. Mistakes are part of learning. Remind yourself that a person's talents are constantly developing, and everyone excels at different things — it's what makes people interesting.

Try new things. Experiment with different activities that will help you get in touch with your talents. Then take pride in new skills you develop.

Recognize what you can change and what you can't. If you realize that you're unhappy with something about yourself that you can change, then start today. If it's something you can't change (like your height), then start to work toward loving yourself the way you are.

Set goals. Think about what you'd like to accomplish, then make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan and keep track of your progress.

Take pride in your opinions and ideas. Don't be afraid to voice them.

Make a contribution. Tutor a classmate who's having trouble, help clean up your neighborhood, participate in a walk-a-thon for a good cause, or volunteer your time in some other way. Feeling like you're making a difference and that your help is valued can do wonders to improve self-esteem.

Exercise! You'll relieve stress, and be healthier and happier.

Have fun. Ever found yourself thinking stuff like "I'd have more friends if I were thinner"? Enjoy spending time with the people you care about and doing the things you love. Relax and have a good time — and avoid putting your life on hold.

It's never too late to build healthy, positive self-esteem. In some cases where the emotional hurt is deep or long lasting, it can take the help of a mental health professional, like a counselor or therapist. These experts can act as a guide, helping people learn to love themselves and realize what's unique and special about them.

Self-esteem plays a role in almost everything you do. People with high self-esteem do better in school and find it easier to make friends. They tend to have better relationships with peers and adults, feel happier, find it easier to deal with mistakes, disappointments, and failures, and are more likely to stick with something until they succeed. It takes some work, but it's a skill you'll have for life.

STRESS

2008-11-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

Feeling like there are too many pressures and demands on you? Losing sleep worrying about tests and schoolwork? Eating on the run because your schedule is just too busy? You're not alone. Everyone experiences stress at times - adults, teens, and even kids. But there are things you can do to minimize stress and manage the stress that's unavoidable.

What Is Stress?

Stress is a feeling that's created when we react to particular events. It's the body's way of rising to a challenge and preparing to meet a tough situation with focus, strength, stamina, and heightened alertness.

The events that provoke stress are called stressors, and they cover a whole range of situations - everything from outright physical danger to making a class presentation or taking a semester's worth of your toughest subject.

The human body responds to stressors by activating the nervous system and specific hormones. The hypothalamus signals the adrenal glands to produce more of the hormones adrenaline and cortisol and release them into the bloodstream. These hormones speed up heart rate, breathing rate, blood pressure, and metabolism. Blood vessels open wider to let more blood flow to large muscle groups, putting our muscles on alert. Pupils dilate to improve vision. The liver releases some of its stored glucose to increase the body's energy. And sweat is produced to cool the body. All of these physical changes prepare a person to react quickly and effectively to handle the pressure of the moment.

This natural reaction is known as the stress response. Working properly, the body's stress response enhances a person's ability to perform well under pressure. But the stress response can also cause problems when it overreacts or fails to turn off and reset itself properly.

Good Stress and Bad Stress

The stress response (also called the fight or flight response) is critical during emergency
situations, such as when a driver has to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident. It can also be activated in a milder form at a time when the pressure's on but there's no actual danger - like stepping up to take the foul shot that could win the game, getting ready to go to a big dance, or sitting down for a final exam. A little of this stress can help keep you on your toes, ready to rise to a challenge. And the nervous system quickly returns to its normal state, standing by to respond again when needed.

But stress doesn't always happen in response to things that are immediate or that are over quickly. Ongoing or long-term events, like coping with a divorce or moving to a new neighborhood or school, can cause stress, too. Long-term stressful situations can produce a lasting, low-level stress that's hard on people. The nervous system senses continued pressure and may remain slightly activated and continue to pump out extra stress hormones over an extended period. This can wear out the body's reserves, leave a person feeling depleted or overwhelmed, weaken the body's immune system, and cause other problems.

What Causes Stress Overload?

Although just enough stress can be a good thing, stress overload is a different story - too much stress isn't good for anyone. For example, feeling a little stress about a test that's coming up can motivate you to study hard. But stressing out too much over the test can make it hard to concentrate on the material you need to learn.

Pressures that are too intense or last too long, or troubles that are shouldered alone, can cause people to feel stress overload. Here are some of the things that can overwhelm the body's ability to cope if they continue for a long time:

being bullied or exposed to violence or injury

relationship stress, family conflicts, or the heavy emotions that can accompany a broken heart or the death of a loved one

ongoing problems with schoolwork related to a learning disability or other problems, such as ADHD (usually once the problem is recognized and the person is given the right learning support the stress disappears)

crammed schedules, not having enough time to rest and relax, and always being on the go
Some stressful situations can be extreme and may require special attention and care. Posttraumatic stress disorder is a very strong stress reaction that can develop in people who have lived through an extremely traumatic event, such as a serious car accident, a natural disaster like an earthquake, or an assault like rape.

Some people have anxiety problems that can cause them to overreact to stress, making even small difficulties seem like crises. If a person frequently feels tense, upset, worried, or stressed, it may be a sign of anxiety. Anxiety problems usually need attention, and many people turn to professional counselors for help in overcoming them.

Signs of Stress Overload

People who are experiencing stress overload may notice some of the following signs:
anxiety or panic attacks
a feeling of being constantly pressured, hassled, and hurried
irritability and moodiness
physical symptoms, such as stomach problems, headaches, or even chest pain
allergic reactions, such as eczema or asthma
problems sleeping
drinking too much, smoking, overeating, or doing drugs
sadness or depression
Everyone experiences stress a little differently. Some people become angry and act out their stress or take it out on others. Some people internalize it and develop eating disorders or substance abuse problems. And some people who have a chronic illness may find that the symptoms of their illness flare up under an overload of stress.

Keep Stress Under Control

What can you do to deal with stress overload or, better yet, to avoid it in the first place? The most helpful method of dealing with stress is learning how to manage the stress that comes along with any new challenge, good or bad. Stress-management skills work best when they're used regularly, not just when the pressure's on. Knowing how to "de-stress" and doing it when things are relatively calm can help you get through challenging circumstances that may arise. Here are some things that can help keep stress under control.

Take a stand against overscheduling. If you're feeling stretched, consider cutting out an activity or two, opting for just the ones that are most important to you.

Be realistic. Don't try to be perfect - no one is. And expecting others to be perfect can add to your stress level, too (not to mention put a lot of pressure on them!). If you need help on something, like schoolwork, ask for it.

Get a good night's sleep. Getting enough sleep helps keep your body and mind in top shape, making you better equipped to deal with any negative stressors. Because the biological "sleep clock" shifts during adolescence, many teens prefer staying up a little later at night and sleeping a little later in the morning. But if you stay up late and still need to get up early for school, you may not get all the hours of sleep you need.

Learn to relax. The body's natural antidote to stress is called the relaxation response. It's your body's opposite of stress, and it creates a sense of well-being and calm. The chemical benefits of the relaxation response can be activated simply by relaxing. You can help trigger the relaxation response by learning simple breathing exercises and then using them when you're caught up in stressful situations. And ensure you stay relaxed by building time into your schedule for activities that are calming and pleasurable: reading a good book or making time for a hobby, spending time with your pet, or just taking a relaxing bath.

Treat your body well. Experts agree that getting regular exercise helps people manage stress. (Excessive or compulsive exercise can contribute to stress, though, so as in all things, use moderation.) And eat well to help your body get the right fuel to function at its best. It's easy when you're stressed out to eat on the run or eat junk food or fast food. But under stressful conditions, the body needs its vitamins and minerals more than ever. Some people may turn to substance abuse as a way to ease tension. Although alcohol or drugs may seem to lift the stress temporarily, relying on them to cope with stress actually promotes more stress because it wears down the body's ability to bounce back.

Watch what you're thinking. Your outlook, attitude, and thoughts influence the way you see things. Is your cup half full or half empty? A healthy dose of optimism can help you make the best of stressful circumstances. Even if you're out of practice, or tend to be a bit of a pessimist, everyone can learn to think more optimistically and reap the benefits.

Solve the little problems. Learning to solve everyday problems can give you a sense of control. But avoiding them can leave you feeling like you have little control and that just adds to stress. Develop skills to calmly look at a problem, figure out options, and take some action toward a solution. Feeling capable of solving little problems builds the inner confidence to move on to life's bigger ones - and it and can serve you well in times of stress.

Build Your Resilience

Ever notice that certain people seem to adapt quickly to stressful circumstances and take things in stride? They're cool under pressure and able to handle problems as they come up.

Researchers have identified the qualities that make some people seem naturally resilient even when faced with high levels of stress. If you want to build your resilience, work on developing these attitudes and behaviors:

Think of change as a challenging and normal part of life.
See setbacks and problems as temporary and solvable.

Believe that you will succeed if you keep working toward your goals.
Take action to solve problems that crop up.

Build strong relationships and keep commitments to family and friends.

Have a support system and ask for help.

Participate regularly in activities for relaxation and fun.

Learn to think of challenges as opportunities and stressors as temporary problems, not
disasters. Practice solving problems and asking others for help and guidance rather than complaining and letting stress build. Make goals and keep track of your progress. Make time for relaxation. Be optimistic. Believe in yourself. Be sure to breathe. And let a little stress motivate you into positive action to reach your goals.

5 Ways to Shake Shyness

2008-11-07T19:40:00.000-08:00

Having a shy style isn't necessarily a problem. It's perfectly OK to take time to warm up to new people and situations. But shyness blocks some people from being as comfortable or sociable as they'd like to be.

Some people want to feel less shy so they can have more fun socializing and being themselves around others. Here are some tips for overcoming shy feelings:

Start small with people you know. Practice social behaviors like eye contact, confident body language, introductions, small talk, asking questions, and invitations with the people you feel most comfortable around. Smile. Build your confidence this way. Then branch out to do this with new friends, too.

Think of some conversation starters. Often, the hardest part of talking to someone new is getting started. Think of conversation openers, like introducing yourself ("Hi, I'm Chris, we're in the same English class"), giving a compliment ("That jacket looks great on you"), or asking a question ("Do you know when our report is due?"). Being ready with a conversation starter (or a few) makes it easier to approach someone.

Rehearse what to say. When you're ready to try something you've been avoiding because of shyness — like a phone call or a conversation — write down what you want to say beforehand. Rehearse it out loud, maybe even in front of the mirror. Then just do it. Don't worry if it's not exactly like you practiced or if it's not perfect. Few of the things more confident-seeming people do are perfect either. Be proud that you gave it a go. Next time, it'll be even better because it will be easier.

Give yourself a chance. Find group activities where you can be with people who share your interests. Give yourself a chance to practice socializing with these new people, and get to know them slowly. People who are shy often worry about failing or how others will judge them. Worries and feelings like these can keep you from trying. If self-criticism plays a role for you, ask yourself whether you'd be this critical of your best friend. Chances are you'd be much more accepting. So treat yourself like your own best friend. Encourage yourself instead of expecting to fail.

Develop your assertiveness. Because shy people can be overly concerned with other peoples' reactions, they don't want to rock the boat. That doesn't mean they're wimpy or cowardly. But it can mean they are less likely to be assertive. Being assertive means speaking up for yourself when you should, asking for what you want or need, or telling other people when they're stepping on your toes.

Most of all, be yourself. It's OK to try out different conversational approaches you see others using. But say and do what fits your style. Being the real you — and daring to let yourself be noticed — is what attracts friends.

Advice on Coming Out to Your Parents

2008-11-06T18:02:00.000-08:00

8 Tips for Telling Your Parents You're Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual And/or Transgendered

By Racheline Maltese

For many in the GBLT community, coming out to our parents and family is one of the most challenging things we'll ever do. Let's face it, no matter how great our relationship with our parents, and no matter how old we are, coming out is at least a little scary and maybe even a lot. Having just gone through the ordeal of coming out to my parents (much later than I should have, truth be told), here's some advice that I hope will make coming out to your parents easier for you.

1. Understand why you've decided to come out. Is it a matter of personal integrity? Is it a desire to introduce them to a boyfriend or girlfriend? Is it to shock? To make sure they still love you? Or are you simply sick of having secrets? Make sure you know your motives, as it will enable you to understand and respond appropriately to the reaction you want, the reaction you expect and the reaction you ultimately get.

2. If you've decided this is absolutely, positively the time for coming out to your parents, but you're scared you won't go through with it, tell someone close to you who already knows about your sexuality that this is in the works. The support, encouragement and peer pressure will help you make it happen.

3. Realize that there's never a perfect time for coming out to your parents. Between holidays, birthdays and the stresses of every day life, it would be easy to rule out every day on the calendar as not the right day to share the news. Plan appropriately (because really, your mom may be thrilled your gay, but may well prefer flowers for her birthday), but accept that if you're looking for the ideal moment, it's probably never going to come.

4. Give your family the benefit of the doubt. If you're anything like me, you've probably thought up dozens of possible responses they might have or questions they might ask. If you try to address these all in your initial communication on the subject, it will only put them on the defensive. Just tell them who you are, and that you're open to discussing any questions that they have. They might surprise you.

5 Tips on a Successful Lesbian Relationship

2008-11-06T17:57:00.000-08:00

By Michelle WithaM

Talk to each other about disagreements

You want to talk to each other regarding anything that may be bugging you. You need to be able to talk freely. You want to always avoid being mad at each other long term. You should talk to each other instead of holding emotions inside. The more you and your partner talk to each other openly then you will have less disagreements. Why? You will be able to work things out in advance.

Let your partner know that you are happy with her

Make sure to tell each other nice things each day. You want each other to feel special and loved. This is important in order to keep yourself in a successful happy relationship. You want them to know that you care. Make sure to call each other during the day to say I love you. Make sure to give each other little gifts here and there just to let her know that you are thinking about her.

Be careful what you say to other women

You don't want to upset your partner. You need to be careful when speaking to another women. You don't want your partner to get the wrong impression so be careful in how you speak and act in front of other women. Don't be too touchy with other women. You don't want them to get the wrong idea either. You don't want them to know your telephone number since a women could start trouble by calling you all hours of the night. Do pay attention to the words spoken to each other Women are emotional people. We often get upset over little things that men wouldn't get upset over. We need to pay attention to what us women say to each other. You don't want to say something that would hurt each other feelings. You need to think carefully before you say what you want to say especially during an argument. You don't want to yell at each other during a silly argument.

Remember each important dates

10 Tips to Build a Lasting Lesbian Relationship

2008-11-06T17:48:00.000-08:00

by Pat Cheney

Falling in love is wonderful, but it is really the easy part of any lesbian relationship. What takes work and commitment is keeping that relationship going even after the passion fades, which it most likely will over time. Most experts agree that passionate love has a life expectancy of 2 to 4 years. So compatibility and mutual respect become increasingly important as your partnership progresses. Here are some tips to help you along. Most are applicable to any relationship, but lesbians do have some specific concerns.

Communication, Communication, Communication: Don't let small fissures in your relationship turn into insurmountable canyons! Let your partner know what you are thinking about big and small things. If something is bothering you, speak up. Problems can't be solved unless you talk about it.

Make Time For Each Other: Life's demands will always get in the way. If you don't schedule "Us" time, it probably won't happen for you. Once a time is blocked off on the calendar, then both of you know to arrange other commitments around that time. For instance, you can block out Friday nights as time you dedicate to your relationship.

Keep It Fresh: You know how the saying goes, "Relationships take work." Well, that is true, but it doesn't always have to have a negative connotation. If you introduce an element of surprise in your relationship, it really helps. Bringing home flowers without an occasion, making a reservation at her favorite restaurant, or suggesting an out-of-the-ordinary activity really go a long way toward keeping your partnership interesting and vibrant.

Grow Together, Not Apart: One really effective way to keep your relationship strong is to have shared goals. Working with your partner on a project or plan for the future can bring you closer together by increasing your time together and sharing thoughts, dividing responsibilities and even by working out your areas of disagreement. Ideas may be as simple as joining a volunteer group together or as complicated as buying and restoring an old house in the city!

Maintain Healthy Outside Relationships: Difficulties with family and friends can really affect the health of your partnership. Stay on good terms with people who are important to your partner. Work out problems that exist. Let your partner know that you recognize the importance of her friends and family.

Sex And Intimacy: At all costs avoid "Lesbian Bed Death." Sex is an important part of your relationship. Sex is strongly related to intimacy, in that the hormone oxytocin is released during the sex act. That hormone is responsible for enhancing your feelings toward your partner and is essential for long-term bonding. Another powerful hormone, dopamine, is released when you perform strenuous physical exercise. Dopamine is also thought to be responsible for feelings of passionate love. So if things are getting a little slow in the bedroom, try taking your partner our dancing before your next sexual encounter!

Avoid The Green Dragon: Jealousy! Unfortunately, all too common in the lesbian community, jealousy can ruin a relationship. Jealousy occurs when there is a lack of trust between partners. If you feel you are being controlled by a jealous partner or that you are jealous, confront those feelings. Discuss with your partner why you are threatened in the relationship and move past it! Get professional help if you need it.

Compromise: You can't always have things your own way...and neither can your partner. Compromise involves keeping the relationship on even ground; keeping the balance between you. One strategy is to internally rate how important an issue is to you when you disagree with your spouse. If you silently rate the problem as a 1 or a 2, let it go. If you are rating the importance as a 9 or 10, then continue the dialog and work toward a solution you both can live with.

Stay Connected: Keep in touch with the lesbian/gay community. Unlike hetero couples, homosexuals have virtually no societal support. Having other LGBT friends, attending LGBT events and going to local clubs can really fend off the social isolation that many of us endure.

Maintain Good Health: Hey, nothing is sexier and more romantic than a clean, healthy body! Take care of yourself. Eat well, get plenty of sleep and exercise regularly.

Keeping a relationship healthy is definitely worth the effort it takes. Just consider how miserable you have been in past relationships that have gone bad. Then remember how wonderful this woman has made you feel. The trick is keeping on top of it and never, never taking your partner or the relationship for granted. If you set your relationship as your #1 priority, you have the best chance of a satisfying and happy future together!

TIPS for LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP: Long Distance Lesbian

2008-11-06T17:15:00.000-08:00

By Kathy Belge

Whether you met her online and she lives a thousand miles away, or if you were in a relationship together and one of you had to move, maintaining a long distance lesbian relationship can be challenging. This article will offer you advice on how to keep the love alive in a long distance lesbian relationship.

The best way to ensure a long distance relationship is going to work is if you have a strong foundation to begin with. If you're both committed to making it work and understand the challenges inherent in a long distance relationship, you're well on your way. If your relationship is rocky to begin with, staying together while miles apart is going to be much harder.

Know the Rules

Before you enter a long distance relationship, it's best to spell out the rules around monogamy. Even if you were in a committed monogamous relationship when you lived in the same town, don't assume the same rules are going to apply. Even if the topic is uncomfortable, it's important that you bring it up and that both understand what you expect from the other.

Stay in Touch

With email, instant messaging and free long distance plans staying in touch is easier than ever. Take advantage of the technology and let her know she's often on your mind.

Know When it's Going to End

Most couples see the long-distance thing as a temporary condition. Eventually they want to be in a place where each can live together. Maybe you're apart while she's in school or in the military. Have a plan and discuss what is going to happen at the end of that commitment. If one of you has to move for a job, decide in advance how long you will live apart--one year, six months--compromise and come up with a solution that works for both of you.

If you don't have a definite plan, one of you may feel that the other has the control over your relationship.

Bi-National Couples

Bi-national couples are the exception here, of course. In the United States and other countries who do not have welcoming immigration laws for gays and lesbians maintaining a bi-national relationship is difficult. Even though you may not have a plan for when you can be together permanently, these other tips can help your relationship too.

Have your own interests

Being in a long distance relationship you are in a unique situation where you have a lot of freedom that other couples may not have. Sure, sometimes you may hate that you have so much, but make the most of it. Get involved in your life. Take part in activities that interest you, start your own business or take up a new hobby. The time you spend will not only help the days go by faster, it will enrich you as a person and make you a more interesting partner. If you're in a bi-national couple, throw yourself in the politics of changing immigration laws to be more gay-friendly.

Curb Jealousy

Jealousy usually doesn't do much for a partnership, and it's especially true for a long distance relationship. If you can't trust your partner, then this thing is not going to work. If you're always worrying about who she's with and if she's being faithful, you're not only going to drive yourself crazy, you're going to drive her away. If you can't get a handle on jealousy, either end the relationship, or seek help for yourself.

Be Accountable

Be trustworthy. If she says she's going to call at three, be there at three to get her call. If you normally talk everyday at the same time and you know you're going to be bowling one night, be sure to tell her so she's not inventing all kinds of stories in her head.

Have dates

Even if you can't see each other as often as you wish, take the time to have phone dates. Watch a TV show together or have phone sex. Share a bowl of ice cream on the web cam or read the same book. It's important to stay connected in any way you can.

Be Romantic

Send care packages, photos of the cat and sweet love text messages. Email is good, but hand written letters are better. Get creative and send her little things from your day: a napkin from your favorite deli, a jar of jam from the country market or t-shirt that you slept in. Make her a mixed CD or write her a poem. Any little thing to let her know you're thinking of her.
Be HonestWhen things get hard, talk about it. If you're having doubts, talk about it. Don't let the distance keep you from bringing up the hard stuff. You're in a relationship, your relationship is not "on hold." Deal with the issues as they come up or they will fester and get worse.

See Each Other

For goodness sake, make plans to see each other as often as you feasibly can. If you're two hours away, that might be every week or so. If you're thousands of miles away it may only be once or twice a year. There's nothing like being in the same room with the one you love, so make sure you put an effort into getting there.

Plan in advance who will travel where, how often you plan to see each other and how long the visits will be. Share the load. Don't make one person travel all the time, unless that is the way you BOTH want it.

The Four Basics

Like any relationship, the keys are communication, trust, respect and love. Keep all of these alive and your long distance love has a strong chance of surviving.

Roshena Grace

2008-11-05T19:54:00.000-08:00

The day you came into our life
You brightened up everything
Child's laughter echoed
In the four corners of our home
And our life started to have direction

You taught us what life is
And filled our hearts with love
You are the little angel
That bound mom and dad together.

I love your little eyes that twinkle
Every time you creep under the tree
And peep inside the socks
That Santa filled while you're asleep
And all I hear is "yeeheey" out you cried

Sitting at the stairs at night
When the moon and the stars are so bright
Watching over the two of us together
Counting and making dreams from afar.

And then you came running into my arms
With tears in your eyes
I can't describe the pain in my heart
Seeing you from the start
How can I explain to you that is your life
Without tears flowing from my eyes.

Because your tears is my pain
Your smile is my joy
Your success is my pride
That's the reason why we strive.

How time flies
Faster than the cloud in the skies
A very beautiful lady that's what you are
That everybody admires.

Changes goes with time
A separate world between yours and mine
It started to panic this feeling inside
Afraid soon that you might fly.

Silently at night I pray
That longer in our side you'll stay
'Coz you're one and only baby
That dad and I loved so dearly.

--- by: ellaziur

Patience in Gay Relationships

2008-11-05T18:25:00.000-08:00

Building gay relationships takes patience, which unfortunately is not easy to learn in life. It's known that gay relationships mature at a faster rate, even more than those relationships between straight couples. Nonetheless, one thing common between heterosexual and homosexual relationships is the time it takes to find the right partner.

Don't just jump into the love pool once you spot a hot guy at the gym, or you meet some cutie on the Net, or you find your blind date a hottie. Take your time getting to know him more. Never ever panic if he doesn't call you on a daily basis or if you two aren't spending much time together after a week of romance. If you guys hit it off, chances are he is into you as much as you are into him, but any potential relationship would be much better off if you take things slow.

If you wish not to rush your relationship, it is best to have a sense on how your partner wants his relationship to be handled. He may suddenly become too clingy after that one moment together, then try to tell him to set a certain schedule on when you two should be together. It's not because you are trying to avoid the opportunity of spending more time with him, but rather because you would want to keep that relationship burning as both of your hearts grow fonder on each absence.

There would also be some situations when your guy would suddenly become unusually silent after you spend the night together. Try talking to him to spark a conversation. Any topic will do, as long as you don't ask him why he is not giving you the attention that he used to give since you are probably not the reason for it. Try giving him subtle physical contacts like stroking his hair or an intimate arm lock. If he remains cold, ask him what his problem is. In case he says that he's ironically fine, then just leave it at that. Maybe he would share it to you one of these days.

Spending activities together should be balanced during this early phase. Make sure that you have your “alone time” and your “together time” in check. Your activities together vary according to each other's lifestyles. You may probably share a fave activity like roller blading, or you could even learn each other's unique hobbies. For instance, play some video games with him while you teach him how to tap dance.

Ways to Approach a Gay Guy

2008-11-05T18:20:00.000-08:00

Like in a heterosexual set-up, trying to approach a gay guy and ask him for a date seems like a really calculated routine. It would often start when you spot a hot guy by himself minding his business and you begin to scope him out. You casually go near him and pretend to do your own thing, and out of nowhere you strike a conversation with him. There would be some rejections, but there would be those magic moments when you begin to introduce one another and eventually go out on a date.

More often than not, gay men would rather wait to be approached. However, doing so would lessen the chance for you to find great guys. Here are some useful tips that are helpful in your mission to become a dating magnet.

Meet more people – Get out of your house! There are different opportunities for gay love in every city, if you are aware of your surroundings, and these are not only confined in bars. Keep your eyes open for flirtatious looks, comments, or gestures, at book shops, laundry mat, or even in a grocery store. Almost every place is a great venue for dating prospects.

Seize the opportunity – Once you have locked your target, look for an opportunity to approach him and seize it. In most cases—especially if he is alone—the guy would do or say something that gives you the chance to strike up a conversation. You can also try to get his attention and let him start a dialogue.

Keep the dialogue going – Most of the time, gays don't fail in approaching other men; it is during the conversation phase that would cause the fallout. Keep the conversation going and flowing by talking and letting him speak. Make a comment or a joke that would make him laugh or at least smile. Don't lose the opportunity. Check his reactions if he is also interested in you. If he seems that he is not, then shrug it off and look for other guys.

Close the deal – Now the moment of truth: Ask him for his phone number or go out for a cup of coffee. If you feel comfortable to him, give him your number also. Let him know that you are interested in knowing him more. However, remember to call a few days after meeting.

Is Your Guy Ready for a Long-Term Relationship?

2008-11-05T18:15:00.000-08:00

Finding a partner is a fulfillment in a gay mans life. However, how would you be at ease if your partner has been sending mixed signals in regards to what he wants in your relationship. Is he planning to be with you on a long-term basis, or would he would rather keep the relationship brief and sweet?

It is difficult to determine where things would develop after only a few dates. Even if there is a connection, both partners are still blinded that their fascination on each other that it can quickly turn into moments of rage. Although we hope that it won't happen, only time will tell.
Take time and get to know your new prospect and the relationship develop on its own. Do not over-analyze the signals, either. You are still feeling for each other out so the signals may not be exactly what you think they are.

Show through your actions that you are very much willing to make him your man. You will know when it is the right time to talk about a LTR (sometimes, this is not even discussed but it just happens naturally). In the meantime, enjoy spending time with a guy you really like.

How to be a Partner, Not a Sex Buddy

2008-11-05T18:05:00.000-08:00

You have found the guy that you dream about. A few drinks, a few laughs, a few caresses, a few kisses. One thing would lead to another and all the while you thought you and him are together forever.

Then you realize the next morning he leaves without even hugging you. He may still open his communication with you, and may claim that he still cares for you, but you notice that he is extremely cold towards you.

You got hit with a bitter reality: you fell for a guy who does not commit. Meanwhile, you have become a mere sex buddy to him.

Guys like him release emotion at their own pace and no other. Pouring your heart out will only be seen as a sign of commitment, which is their biggest fear. Hopeless romantics like yourself who often think about the future often fall victim to their charms. The sex buddy has no concept of the past or future; what's important is the present.

His frame of mind believes that anything beyond hanging out—like getting close, sharing non-sexual activities together—would only destroy relationships. After all, what you have been doing together seems okay, so why would you have to mess it up by bringing all that commitment stuff into the picture?

Although it is best to find another guy who is just as committal as you, you may want to take a chance and test if he would do anything to gain your affection. Try to do the art of reciprocation (or in other words, playing hard-to-get). It is most effective for sex buddies who like to be in control of the emotional board. It may be difficult at first because you have to hold back your biggest asset—your emotions. However, the rewards can be great.

Ask your sister of a female friend to teach you a few techniques, since they've been doing this a lot of times with men. If he gives you little emotion, give him an equal amount of emotion as well. If he pulls back, pull back as well. If one day he wants to meet you, tell him you are busy and try to check his reaction if he'll make an effort to try and see you. Keep some distance, but not as far as he would to you, until you have trained him to give a little more. To these guys, your emotional words mean little, but your actions matter. You may even subtly mention that your relationship is not one-sided. If he wants some, then he has to give some.

Some gay men are hesitant to put their partners on the same pedestal emotional as they do sexually. Try giving him a taste of his own medicine if you want to snag him. If everything else fails, don't just drop him off. Sit him down and let him know that you need more emotionally.

You are probably destined to find a guy who is willing wear his heart on the sleeve, just like you do.

Art of Gay Kissing

2008-11-05T17:47:00.000-08:00

Tips about kissing can be found on almost everywhere from magazines to the Internet, but chances are you won't apply those tips in a gay or lesbian setting. It's best that you know these guidelines on how to steal that kiss and make it worthwhile.

Touch gently – Kissing doesn't necessarily begin with a lunge. It starts with a light, playful touching that you have been giving him. We do not advise of suddenly grabbing the crotch, but get him comfortable with your touch by caressing his sleeve or flicking an imaginary lint off his collar, or you could try to be bold by holding his forearm. Get your friend really relaxed with your touch before you prepare yourself of kissing him.

Make sure the feeling is mutual – Do not kiss another guy if you are unsure that he wants to kiss you as well. Try creating a mutual interest by flirting with him or by providing a fun atmosphere when talking to him. Watch out for indications that he is interested in you like when touching you back, responding to your jokes positively, letting his eyes catch yours, or when he doesn't shy away from sex talk and gives out his own double entendres.

Take him to a “kissing zone” – New-found lovers tend to kiss each other in public, but don't try putting your date on the spot. When both of you are in a bar, for instance, bring your date to a semi-private corner away from the prying eyes and never in your bedroom or hotel room. That special “kissing zone” could be a dark corner, a quiet hallway, or a bench outside the club. Don't be frank about telling him that you want to take him away to kiss each other, instead provide a plausible reason like the place being hot and you wanted you go outside with him to catch some fresh air.

Let the tension build – Once you bring your mate to the kissing spot, continue developing attraction to him with further flirting, teasing, and touching. Do not go for the kiss right away, but let him know subtly that you want to kiss him. One good advise is that you perform a “triangular gaze,” first by looking into his eyes, staring down to his lips, then going back to his eyes. Then try touching him gently on the lips or caress along his jawline. You could even try being frank by asking him if he wants to be kissed, but try not to be aggressive when asking. If he reacts positively, then slowly lean towards him, close your eyes, and just let your lips do the action.

Five Great Ways to Find Gay Men

2008-11-05T17:25:00.000-08:00

Gay men have a harder time looking for dates because most of the time, most gay guys are shy and afraid of rejection. And it is sometimes frustrating to realize that finding the right guy is not like falling in love at the sight of your UPS man. However, there are venues where Mr. Right would just come your way.

Online Dating – Whether you are chatting or browsing through hundreds of personal ads, it is important to whether the seekers are searching for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now. When putting up your online profile, make sure that you state what type of man you are looking for and under what circumstances you are willing to meet. Don't forget to post your pic with it!

Newspaper Ads – You may not know it, but newspapers (either the syndicated ones or even your local papers) and some gay magazines have a lot of personal ads of men seeking other men. You would usually find men in search for special types of sex like BSDM, but there are those select few ads about the hopeless romantics looking for long-lasting love. If you respond to an ad, make sure to take your time getting to know the person before meeting him personally.

Referrals – Your friends, co-workers, and even your family members, are your best allies when searching for that perfect pair. They may arrange a blind date or introduce you to a guy whom they think you would bond greatly. If you feel that you don't gel with the referral, there is a huge possibility that he has other gay friends. Befriend him and get to know them. Expanding your social network takes away your shyness and at the same time searches for many romantic possibilities.

Dance Clubs or Lounges – You don't have to be a party animal to be in the club. Remember that dance clubs or lounges are a great venue for all types of gay men. There are some who would go there every week to dance and have fun, while there are others who went there to look for potential mates, just like you would. If you feel uncomfortable with what's going on in the gay club, then try going in a “heterosexual” club with your girlfriends. At least other gay guys there would be easier to spot.

Everyday Life – You can find love even in the simplest visits to your local record store or bookstore. You would run around doing your errands and suddenly you see someone that catches your attention. How you would approach them is totally up to you. At least, this is better than spending the whole day in the house alone.

DATING TIPS: Calling After the First Date

2008-11-04T20:10:00.000-08:00

Dates tend to have two different endings: either you don't want to see him or her again, or you look forward to see your date as soon as possible. If your date ends with the latter scenario, then try asking for his or her phone number. Take your date home (if you're a woman, let him hitch a cab for you) and seal the night with a friendly kiss.

But what happens the days after the date? When should you call your new-found friend for another round of dating? Here are some great dating tips that you should follow.

Send a thank you message right after the date – Although calling your date right after you went out together to say thanks is a more personal approach, others consider this as too eager and sometimes puts them off. Instead, try send a text message (or e-mail, if you have the address) at this early stage. Remember to keep it short and sweet.

Guys should wait for two days before calling your date again – Timing is crucial here. Calling too soon and you would give an impression that you are overly keen; too late, however, and your date might think that you are insincere or merely playing games. Once you get to talk to your date, tell her that you had a wonderful time the last you were together, then leave the option open for another date to follow. Women should wait for the guy to call back on this stage.

Do not chat for too long on your first call – Do not appear too needy by talking to your date over the phone for hours. Keep the chat short and simple. After all, you would have a lot of time telephoning with your date after your second or third date.

Know what you are going to say – Do not let your nerves overpower you when talking to your date. If you have to, try practicing what you are going to say beforehand.

Smile while talking – Even if your date doesn't see you, she would definitely appreciate if you are talking with a happy grin as it would come across the phone line. You could try seeing the difference between talking with or without a smile.

Too much answering machine messages is not a good sign – If you are getting repeated messages from your date's answering machine, chances are the feelings between each other are not mutual.

If this happens, try leaving your message—together with your phone number—only once. Your date would call she is likewise interested.

Too much calls from your date is not a good sign either – It displays an impression that your date is clinging too much. Being needy is unattractive as it shows signs of insecurity. Remember that dating on its initial stages should be relaxed and casual.

Avoid text messaging your date as much as possible – Sending messages through your mobile phone are fun and convenient, but is easily misinterpreted (especially with all the innovative jargon associated with texting).

Never wait by the phone – Do not stay home and anticipate whether or not your date would call back. You have your own life to enjoy. If someone is going to call you, they will. At the same time, do not leave messages if ever your date doesn't call. Just keep on living your busy life and give dating another try.

Excuses are rarely true – Your date might not have called because he or she is away on a business trip, for instance. However, excuses are not true all the time. If someone wants to reach you by the phone, they would have gone through hell or high water just to do so. If you hear an excuse such as “I tried to call you, but...”, then it is time to move on to another date.

Keep your expectations realistically low – Pleasant surprises are far better than defeated expectations. If the phone rings, let them leave a message and respond as soon as you are ready to call back.

Keep your promises to call back – If you said you call, do so, even if it is to let them down gently. Expecting a call that never comes is a worst thing that you can do to someone as it wastes their time and hurts them emotionally.

DATING TIPS: Things You Should Do on a First Date

2008-11-04T20:04:00.000-08:00

If you get yourself a first date—especially from someone you knew before—the first thing that you should consider is how to make it so good that your date would want to see you on a second date. However, it doesn't take too much stress to prepare about it. Remember that a date is all about knowing the other person better and treating him or her with respect. Check out our list to see what you should consider.

Choose the right outfit – Wearing provocative or inappropriate clothing risk making the wrong impression. Although your date may be familiar to you, your revealing or flashy dress could mean that you are trying too hard to impress him or her. Wear clothes that are appropriate to the venue, and at the same time your date would be familiar with.

Do not wear too much perfume – Just because you still couldn't smell the perfume from your body doesn't mean that you don't have enough of it. Apply the perfume on your pulse points such as behind the ears and on the wrists, and you're ready to go.
Consider to meet at a public place – Even if you are dating someone you know, it is best to meet him or her at a public place such as a park or a restaurant. A public place provides safety and security.

Prepare a plan – If you are familiar with your date, you should have an idea of his or hers likes and dislikes. Create a list of activities that you and your date would both love to do. Why reserve a table at an expensive restaurant if you date prefers to have a picnic by the park? Also, don't forget about your date's eating habits and allergies, or previous injuries when considering a physical activity such as football passing.

Men should still practice chivalry – We may be living in a new century, but men should still take care of women. He should open doors for women, pull the chairs for her, and letting her order first. When playing sports with your woman, make sure to be gentle—and also let her win.

Listen – Ask question and show (not pretend) that you are interested to what your date is saying. The reason why you should not pretend to be listening because your date might end up talking more about him or her rather than making it a stimulating conversation. Among those topics that are great in date conversations are work, hobbies, books, music, movies, and sports.

Do not talk or ask about politics, religion, and especially former relationships.

Look at them in the eyes – Eye contact spells out your interest and attention towards your date.

Have fun – Remember that the date should be fun. Bring laughter into the conversation by bringing out your sense of humor through jokes. Make every activity light and happy. However, if you see that your date isn't laughing at your jokes, don't tell another one.

DATING TIPS: Overcoming Shyness

2008-11-04T19:59:00.000-08:00

It is often very stressful to date or even try to date when you are shy. However, being shy is basically being afraid of rejection. You can transform yourself from the shy type to the confident person that you should be. The more confident you look, the better response you would get from people.

Stand straight – When standing, pull your stomach muscles in. Your spine would naturally align and your back is straightened. An erect stand is a sigh a confidence. Practice doing this in front of a mirror until it starts to look natural.

Do not cross your arms – The way your body poses tells something about yourself. Crossing your arms while sitting or listening to another person is a sign that you are defensive and shy.

This can be stand-offish at times. Learn to avoid this mannerism to give your confidence a boost.

Make eye contact – When meeting people, it is best to look straight at them, focusing on the eyes and face. This does not mean that you are supposed to stare at their eyes, which can look frightening. Keep in mind to make your eyes “smile” by keeping a positive attitude when talking to other people.

Make the first move – Stand close enough to the other person to strike up a conversation. Catch their eye and smile briefly. If they smile back and make a direct eye contact, they are open to talking. Striking up a conversation first may be difficult at first, but would get used to it once more people talk to you and slowly building up your confidence.

Make yourself safe to talk to – When you meet someone you are interested in, be curious about this person. Ask open-ended questions (those that does not end on a yes-or-no answers) and create conversations out of mutual interests to keep the talk going.

Give a compliment – If you do not know how to start a conversation, a compliment is always acceptable. Make a truthful and personal compliment at the other person. However, steer clear from the obvious body parts and instead hone in on detail. Say something that make the other person proud, such as his or her laugh, positive attitude, or confidence among others.

Watch other people's reactions – You can tell if the other person is interested to you by the way he or she reacts towards you. If the person is happy to continue chatting with you, their smile would get wider, they would move closer and lean towards you. If they don't instantly drip with enthusiasm, don't worry because other people get nervous too.

Ask people out one after the other – A brief coffee or lunch usually works best for a first date. Start by chatting the the new person about the activity you are both participating in and then casually ask if the person would like to get together some other time.

Don't be Obvious to Catch Him & Keep Hm-- by: christian carter

2008-11-04T18:22:00.000-08:00

This article: What is the key to not being "obvious" and still “Catching That Man”? Intellectual attraction.

We all know about the “obvious” woman and how she can easily attract any man.

Show a lot of cleavage.

Be forthcoming in physical contact when meeting men, long touches on his arm and leg. Close talking that allows her breath to cross his face.And, quite simply, just being “easy”. Hooking up.

That’s how the obvious woman attracts men.

Of course the trouble with these encounters is that, for the most part, they are shallow, short-lived and empty.

I remember reading about a survey how blondes attract more men than brunettes. You know the old saying “Blondes have more fun”. It’s true if you think that attracting men strictly through physical attraction is the way to go. Men, the survey surmised, prize blondes. The general male feelings toward brunettes is that they are not “trophies” but family oriented women. Brunettes were understood to be more dependable, more geared towards marriage, more the “settle down” type.

Blondes were the height of the excitement factor, bringing out the caveman, the instinctive man, and the reactive man towards ownership of a woman.

Blondes were the “obvious” catch for a man.

And as a side survey the blondes were asked how they were treated in their relationships and they reported that they were indeed treated as if the man they were with owned them.Men reacted towards blondes with purely physical attraction traits and the dating cycle was short-lived, often sexual in nature earlier that brunettes.

The brunettes reported that they had a harder time to get initial dates but their relationships lasted longer, were more intellectual and more forward-looking. Men generally had a longer term picture of relationships with brunettes.

We can surmise from these surveys that indeed, blondes have more fun and more initial dates, but brunettes catch “The Man” more often and have more stable relationships.

Now if you are blonde I’m not suggesting you change your hair color to attract a “settling down” type of man.

And should you be brunette (or redhead) I’m not saying for you to dye your hair blonde to get more dates.

The part of female/male initial attraction qualities overlooked the sexual responses in a man that obvious women put out.

Catching a man is easy if you use your physical traits as a lure. But the problem is that you catch a guy that is interested in a purely physical relationship. A hookup. And no strings attached.

So, what is the key to not being obvious and still “Catching That Man”?

Intellectual attraction.

This “Intellectual Attraction” is when a man can see you as an equal, as a woman with compatibility towards his interests and his acceptance of yours. This is not the guy that can’t look up past your chest as you talk to him.This is the man that can open up to you as an equal, can accept that you have ideas of your own. He is comfortable in conversations that have substance.Drop him like a rock if he’s a complainer, a “momma’s boy” or shows signs of a controlling personality.

How do you find and attract these catchable and keepable men?

They are all around you. Often they are overshadowed by loud-mouthed jerk friends.

Separating this type of man from his “pack” so you can attract him can usually be accomplished by a simple short smile his way which invites him to talk with you.

The “catchable man” can be met singly in grocery stores, malls, night school classes: wherever men are not a part of a pack. Bars and clubs are not the ideal places to meet the “right man” because the environment does not often lend itself to intellectual attraction but rather the reverse: the man’s caveman response.

Libraries, museums, art shows, hobby stores, heck, you can even spot guys in Home Depot and

Sears that are single. And active in their life.

Dress appropriately, not slutty. Keep your hem stylish, your pant leg in season and your thong in your dresser drawer. You’ll have time enough for sexy dressing once you’ve been dating for a while. This shows your caught man that you dress sexy “for him” not for the world.

When a girl shows her thong, Marriage is usually wrong.

When a girl first shows her smarts, She often has all the other parts.

TEN MOST DANGEROUS MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE by: Christian Carter

2008-11-03T23:35:00.000-08:00

MISTAKE #1: Betting Your Love Life On His “Potential”
Do you know any women who want the man they're dating to behave differently?
Of course you do. And just like me, I'm sure you have friends who date guys who don't have much going for them or who don't treat them very well.

Somehow these women always have an excuse for the guy's shortcomings. What's going on here?
It's actually very simple. Women (and men) don't base their choices of men on how “nice” or “good” someone is to them day-to-day.

Women choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.

And guess what?

Some women will continue to put up with a guy that doesn't treat them very well. Sometimes for months or years...

But why in the world would a woman do that!?

Well, to put it simply, they confuse the strong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper “connection”.

Women who do this are doomed to end up in failed relationships with the “wrong” guys.
How do I know? Because I've seen it at least a hundred times.And because I've been this guy in the past myself.

Thinking back on past dating and relationships I've had, I was selfish and didn't offer much.

I'm amazed the women put up with me. But they did...all the while hoping that I would somehow change. The women I dated hoped I'd change.

The only thing they saw in me that led them to want to keep me around was the “potential” they saw in me to share my feelings and communicate with them.

The potential for something better and the potential for me to change and be a better lover, boyfriend, companion or whatever...

The truth was, I was hopelessly bad at these things at the time.

And more importantly, I wasn't even at a place in my life where I knew how to or was interested in developing a deep and committed relationship - with ANYONE.

But deep down these women believed that if they tried hard enough, that it would make up for what was lacking.

They believed that I could become someone else with them.... and that this would be easy for us both.

Talk about a losing battle. It doesn't make a lot of “logical” sense...

But until you accept that lots of women do this AND that YOU could be doing it on some level, you'll NEVER have the success with men that you choose and want.

MISTAKE #2: Assuming You “Get” Men & Their Psychology

Men are different from women. You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.

When a woman sees a man, she can very quickly pick apart certain things about his style, body language, status and character that will tell her all kinds of things about him.

Lot's of women don't even consciously see that they do this because the process is so obvious and simple for them.

But does the same apply for men?

As you probably already know, men are generally more visual. As a result, they often don't understand non-verbal communication as well as women. And men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and “intuition”.

Women don't seem to remember this about men.
So do men feel sexually attracted to women based just on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for years now, and talking to thousands of men and women, I can tell you that men have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Especially when it comes to longer term relationships. Looks just happen to be the most obvious way...

But looks are NOT the most powerful.

If you know how to use your body language AND communication correctly, you can make men feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see that hot, great looking guy that you got to know.

But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this. And ANY woman can learn how...

MISTAKE #3: Pretending To Be Something For A Man
In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man's attention, to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them.
Another HORRIBLE idea.

Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guys attention will make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them.

Wrong.

Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted to the types of women who kiss up to them, make weak plays for affection or complain to get what they want... EVER.

Don't get me wrong here. Things like being sexy for a man or encouraging him to share his feelings can be good, but it has to be genuine, unselfish, and most of all timely.

You don't have to act like an “easy” woman for men to like you, and you certainly don't have to play like he's some gift to the Earth.

Doing these things actually works to subtly, at an subconscious level, lower your social status with a man, which has EVERYTHING to do with how he sees you as a woman.

So if you think that making him more attracted to you means “playing to the man's fantasies” from the start, think again.

You'll never succeed by looking for a man's approval, finding your way into his heart through sex and not being yourself.

MISTAKE #4: Sharing How You “Feel” Too Early With Him
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most women make with men is sharing how they “feel” too early on. Listen...

Attractive, single, successful men are rare. They get a LOT of attention from women.
Most women don't realize this, but attractive men are being approached in one way or another all the time by women. And guess what?

Attractive men have usually dated a lot of women. That's right. They have EXPERIENCE. They know what to expect.

And one thing that turns an attractive men off and sends him running away faster than just about anything...

It's a woman who starts saying “You know, I really, REALLY like you” after one or two dates.
This signals to the man that you're just like one of those “clingy” stereotype women who want to rush into a relationship and can't control yourself from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives.

This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man. Don't do it. Lean back. Relax. There's a much better way...

MISTAKE #5: Misreading The Important “Signals” That Men Send
Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves.

Most women don't pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are.

The signals men send have 4 main levels:
1) Social: Where the man is at in his own life - stability, confidence, direction
2) Emotional: Whether or not he's “emotionally available”
3) Physical: If he's attracted to you... and for what reasons
4) Love State: If he's open to building and growing a relationship in the future

The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely on accident. That's great news to women...

Men can't help it! You need to learn to recognize these signals to get anywhere serious with a man.

MISTAKE #6: Relying On Your Natural Ability To Judge A Man's Character

People aren't easy to figure out. Especially men.

The last several years of my life I've spent hundreds of hours learning to understand people.

I've studied peoples behavior, “inner psychology” and more specifically how they think and act when they're dating.

From what I've seen, both men and women have their own secret ways of saying things.

But you can only see these secret communications if you know what to look for.

Women communicate with hints, body language, sarcasm, and flirting when they're first getting to know a man.

They can either directly or indirectly let men know if they're open to something more serious.
Men are different.

Men generally communicate with sarcasm, humor, cockyness and other “indirect” displays of status.

VERY RARELY will a man be able to honestly communicate to a woman whether or not he's ready or capable of developing a meaningful relationship.

Aside from their sexual interests, men send very indirect signals about where they're at.

If you don't know how to read through the signals men send, then you'll get the wrong message.

Getting the wrong messages from men causes women more pain and heartache than any other issue around.

You can avoid this pain if you learn to identify a good man from a bad one.

MISTAKE #7: Expecting A Relationship To Make You Happy

A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled.

And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens. But those are the exceptions, not the rule.

Nothing says “Run!” to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her. And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there.

Think, “controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!”

So let me be clear...

I think it's important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it's dating, a relationship, whatever.

But if a woman communicates that she's looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of her.

It doesn't have to be spoken by the woman either. If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless. This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man.

So what can you do as a woman?

You can get the man interested and involved in your life in a more “natural” way, where he'll be motivated to make you care about your happiness and fulfillment on his own.

This is the only way it really works for people - male or female.

Self-motivation is much stronger than external motivation.

But you have to know how to create this situation with a man... and it rarely happens by accident.

MISTAKE #8: Trying To “Convince” Him To Like You Or Love You

What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious?

Right! They try to “convince” the man to feel differently. Well, I have news for you...

YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!

Never, ever, ever.

You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.

Think about it.

If a man doesn't “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being “reasonable” with him?

But we all do it. Men are the worst at this by the way.

They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts. Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man.

might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him.

When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.

Bad idea. Another one that will never work.

MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing What To Do In Each Type Of Situation

man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman. And I don't mean just sex.

I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you.

And if you don't know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help!

If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.

MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help

This is the biggest mistake of all. This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want.

I know, you don't like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.

Hey, I've been there myself. Let me tell you a little about me.

Over the last few years it's been hard to watch the women around me (even those I dated) struggle to understand the men they were attracted to or dating.

It frustrated the hell out of me and I made the decision to do whatever it took to help the women

I knew learn how to be successful with men and dating.

Well, after a lot of hard work and doing all kinds of crazy things to learn the real-world truth about men and women, I finally figured things out for myself.

I've read hundreds of books on psychology, human behavior, dating/relationship advice for men and women, love, attraction, communication, and more. The list goes on.

I can now approach just about any situation with dating and feel confident and understand everything that's going on in an interaction.

Best of all, I've been able to share my knowledge and help women become more successful with men and dating.

It's been a very rewarding experience, and it's how I became fascinated with the female perspective in the dating world.

I've helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling... the one you get when you're lonely, you've been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says “he's not ready”.

You don't have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you'll end up alone.

The 3 Deadly Mistakes Women Make With Men Without EVER Realizing It...by: Christian Carter

2008-11-03T23:22:00.000-08:00

Through my research and personal experience, I've found that these 3 mistakes are responsible for more failed dates and relationships with men than any other factors.

Here they are:
» Mistake #1: Leading A Man To Think You Are "Needy" And "Insecure"
Did you know that there are 6 ways you can set off a man's "Insecurity Alert" and make him think twice about pursuing a relationship with you?

Sadly, even confident women often "accidentally" give off one of these signs... and just one can kill the chance of a man asking you on a second date.

As you read through these signals men pick up on as "needy" and unattractive, ask yourself if YOU have ever been guilty of committing one of these deadly mistakes:

Talking or saying nasty things about your past boyfriends. Saying bad things about men you have been involved with actually reflects the negatively back on YOU. It makes a man worry you are carrying around "baggage" that HE will have to deal with should he become involved with you.

Speaking negatively about other women. When women call other women names like "slut", "bitch", and "crazy", it is anything but impressive to a man you are attracted you. Women will often do this when they see a good looking, desirable woman, especially if they feel their man might be attracted to her. This just makes a man think you are trying to cover up your own insecurities, and looking for validation and attention. Not good.

Too much physical contact, especially in public.If you are constantly hanging on a man or touching him too much he'll start to see it as clingy behavior... but you'll never hear about this from him. It's far better to save your touches for short and infrequent moments that will surprise and enchant him.

The next 3 are far deadlier, but less obvious... and it's important that you learn what they are and how to avoid giving them off.

But before I show you how to do that, let's talk about mistake #2:

» Mistake #2: Appealing To His "Sexual" Side Instead Of His Emotional Side
Many women make the mistake of thinking that men are primarily driven by sex alone... and think if they can attract a man SEXUALLY they will be able to attract him EMOTIONALLY as well.

Women too often give up sex to a man in the hopes that it will translate into a relationship and get them what they want. In reality, a man has the capacity to view a sexual connection and an emotional connection as two entirely different things, and it requires a special set of skills to mold these two things together in a man's mind... and keep them connected.

Men are out for far more than just sex... and a woman who knows how to fulfill a man EMOTIONALLY and SEXUALLY will be the woman who captures a man's heart... and gets that same fulfillment for HERSELF. In a moment, I'll show you how you can learn to do just that...

» Mistake #3: Not Knowing How To Size Up A Man's "Relationship Potential"

A lot of women will decide whether or not they should put energy into building a relationship with a man based on ATTRACTION.

Yes, attraction is important. But it can also be DANGEROUS.

When we feel a strong sense of attraction for someone, it can cause us to override our logic and ignore our instincts... leading us to overlook potential partner's deadly faults that could spell trouble down the road.

If you've ever found yourself stuck in a relationship that is dragging you down, this is probably why.

It's important to be able to size a guy up and spot any "warning signs" of a future bad relationship FAST... so you don't waste any of your time or emotional energy on someone who isn't right for you... or who will leave you heartbroken. Fortunately this is a fairly easy thing to do, and I'd like to show you how...

CATCH him, KEEP him: A Woman's Giude To Finding Mr. Right & Keeping Him Hooked For Good by: Christian Carter

2008-11-03T23:11:00.000-08:00

An Open Letter To A Woman Who Wants To ATTRACT And KEEP Mr. Right...

Dear Friend,

I'd like to ask you a few questions. Be open and honest with yourself as you answer them...

Have you ever met a guy who seemed to be "Mr. Right", but after getting to know him better you could tell that he just didn't feel that same level of "connection" you felt?

You were attracted to him, but he just wasn't into you the same way you were into him?

In your mind, you could sense what a great guy he was, and that, somewhere deep inside, you both shared this strong "chemistry" that made you feel close and comfortable. But for some reason he didn't want to truly connect with you.

Another one...

Have you ever slept with a guy very quickly after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened: He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Honestly, have you ever had this happen?

Of course, the worst part wasn't that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn't have done it in the first place... but you did it anyway.

And finally:

Have you ever dated a great guy for a long time... I'm talking about six months, twelve months, or even longer... and it was getting to the point where you needed to have "the talk" with him. But when you tried to bring up the topic of having a relationship and making a bigger commitment, his eyes just glazed over... and then he became distant from you... and the relationship ended soon after?

You were trying to get CLOSER to him, and somehow he kept moving farther AWAY from you.

I'm guessing that when one of these things happened, your girlfriends said things like:

"He's just a jerk, forget about him".
Or they said: "He doesn't see the mistake he's making or what he'll be missing". But he never seemed to see these mistakes... or even miss you.

And the worst part of all: You kept thinking about it.

In fact, it really GOT TO YOU. And I'll bet the REASON why it got to you is because you worried that it might have been something to do with YOU (and not just because he was a total jerk).

In fact, TO THIS DAY you still have the feeling that YOU may have done something wrong, and that you may have CAUSED some of the problems in the first place... and if you would have known the RIGHT thing to do, things would have turned out differently...

Unfortunately, the bad news is that you're probably right.

Chances are you DID have something to do with it, and things probably WOULD have turned out differently if you would have known how to deal with the situation.

You COULD have done something about it... if only you had known WHAT to do...

***find out MORE*** ---just keep reading

The Salty Coffee

2008-11-03T22:46:00.000-08:00

He met her on a party, she was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her,while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to politeness, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me back home. Suddenly he asked the waiter: would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee.
Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby? He replied: when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could felt the taste of the sea, salty and bite, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I will think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who still living there. Saying that, tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart.
"A man who can tell out his homesick, he must be a man loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home," she thought. Then she also started to talk, talked about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continue to date. She found actually he was a man who meets all her demands: he was tolerance, kind hearted, warm, careful...he was such a good guy but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!
Then the story was just like every beautiful love story: the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life...And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked.
After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you, the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It's hard for me to change so I just go ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste..but I have the salty coffee for my whole life since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, I still want to know you and have you as my whole life wife, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again." Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her: What's the taste of salty coffee?
It's sweet. She replied.

10 HUSBANDS, still a VIRGIN

2008-11-03T22:22:00.000-08:00

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

31 Ways To Make Her Happy

2008-10-25T21:37:00.000-07:00

1. Tell her she is beautiful
2. Hold her hand at any moment . . . even if its just for a second.
3. Hug her from behind
4. Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
5. Wrestle with her :)
6. don't go hang out with you ex when shes not with you, you might not relize how badly it hurts her.
7. If youre talking to another girl, when you're done talking, walk over and hug her and kiss her....let her know she's yours and they aren't.
8. Write her notes or call her just to say "hi"
9. Introduce her to your friends . . . as your girlfriend.
10. Play with her hair.
11. Pick her up (she loves it)
12. Get upset if another guy touches her and she doesn't like it
13. Make her laugh
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms.
15. If she's mad at you, kiss her.
16. If you care about her, then TELL HER
17. Every guy should give their girl 3 things: a stuffed animal (she'll hug it every time she goes to sleep), jewelry (she'll treasure it forever), and one of his t- shirts (she'll most likely wear it to bed) or sweatshirts sprayed with his cologne!! and flowers or something occasionally.
18. Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile.
20. Hang out with her on weekends
21.Kiss her in the rain (girls love this)
22.Kiss her just for the heck of it
23. If your listening to music, let her listen too.
24. Remember her birthday and get her something,even ifnits simple and inexpensive, it came from YOU. it means all the world to HER.
25. when she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it, even if you don't (it'll make her happy.)
26. Always call her when you say you will, it may not seem like it, but it does hurt her and makes her think you don't care so call even if you can only talk for a minute.Girls don't necessarily have to have hour long conversations every night but its nice for us to hear your voice even for a quick hello.
27. Give her what she wants
28. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most.
29.dont hug her friends or your friends that are girls cause she'll feel left out.
30.hang out with her whenever you are free and u should be free to hang wit your girl friend all the time
31.If u care about her...SHOW HER!!

A Box Full of Kisses

2008-10-25T21:19:00.000-07:00

The story goes that some time ago, a man punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree. Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said, "This is for you, Daddy."

The man was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found out the box was empty. He yelled at her, stating, "Don't you know, when you give someone a present, there is supposed to be something inside? The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and cried, "Oh, Daddy, it's not empty at all. I blew kisses into the box. They're all for you, Daddy."

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged for her forgiveness.

Only a short time later, an accident took the life of the child. It is also told that her father kept that gold box by his bed for many years and, whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each one of us, as humans beings, have been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses... from our children, family members, friends, and God. There is simply no other possession, anyone could hold, more precious than this.

DO NOT

2008-10-25T21:17:00.000-07:00

Do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Do not set your goals by what other people deem important.Only you know what is best for you..

Do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past nor for the future.By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Do not give up when you still have something to give.Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.It is a fragile thread that binds us to each other....

Do not be afraid to encounter risks.It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Do not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find.The quickest way to receive love is to give love; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly.

Have a wonderful day.

The Messenger: A Soulmate Story

2008-10-25T21:04:00.000-07:00

a very special message from the most unusual messenger.

It was early in the afternoon and I was seriously busy refinishing some very old windows out on my back porch. All of the doors and windows throughout my home where open, letting in the light and fresh air.

My life was certainly going through some changes. Only a month before, I had been struggling with a relationship that I knew needed to change form. A few days earlier I had said my goodbyes. I had always heard that when one door closes another door opens, but I didn't know if I was fully prepared to step into the new door that was presenting itself so quickly. You see, I was finally realizing that the dearest male friend that I had ever known, was the soul mate I had been looking for my entire life. What a shock to my senses this was! I had always thought of myself as an intuitive person, but I didn't see this one coming. It was like I had a veil pulled over my eyes.

Needless to say, I was filled with bliss from this new awareness. But also scared and a bit unsure at the same time. They say that the chance of someone single in their mid forties finding true love, is like finding an old vintage "oat penny" in a jar full of pocket change--highly unlikely. (What do 'they' know :-)

I knew in my heart that my friend Kirk was a soul mate, but my head was swimming in some type of fear that I couldn't really fully understand. So, I did what I do when I need to process so many emotions. I worked on something tangible in the physical world that needed to be fixed.

As I was refinishing the old window frames, I began to notice layer after layer of different colored paint. It seemed like I was going through the generations of a family tree as each layer was exposed. Each of the colors of paint was sharing a story about different cycles in my life. As each layer exposed itself, I had some sort of revelation. I can't really tell you every thought that went through my mind, but it seemed so very revealing at the time.

There came a point when I was so full of thought that I knew I needed to take a break. So, I decided to walk into my magical dining room where the beautiful stained glass windows surrounded my favorite plants. It was at that very moment when something unusual caught my eye. I have always had an affinity for butterflies and love to watch them outside, but this was the first time I had ever seen one indoors.

"Wow!", I thought to myself. "This is the most unusual looking butterfly." I have seen Monarch butterflies up close, but never one like this before. So I slowly walked up to take a better look. I was in awe. This butterfly was so very large, black, white, and orange and incredibly beautiful. He seemed quite calm really; much calmer than I was for sure.

I wondered, "Now, what does a person do with a butterfly in their home?" I can tell you what I thought. I was concerned that he was going to die if he stayed inside any longer. It is unnatural for a butterfly not to be free. So, I wondered what to do.

Just then I heard thoughts in my head telling me to fill myself with love and then to place my hand beside this radiant butterfly. So I did just that. As I was feeling this incredible sense of love oozing from my being, I watched him so intently while pressing my hand close to him against the window pane. In my amazement he slowly and steadily crept over to my hand and I watched him carefully step right into the center of my palm. I was motionless and in shock. Why would a butterfly as unusually beautiful as this one come inside my home and end up in my palm?

Just then I heard another thought fill my senses, and this time it seemed to be coming from the Butterfly!

"Trust dear one. Trust your life and trust your heart. Here you are with the door open, and the light is shining the way. I am here to show you that you now have your independence. Do with it as you wish. In going through the door before you, your life will have more freedom than you have ever known before."

This was so weird. I had this incredible peace fill every inch of my being. I just knew this butterfly was sent to me as a messenger, to tell me everything was okay; that my love for my wonderful friend and soul mate Kirk, was perfect, so not to fear.

I slowly walked the twenty-five or so steps through my dining room and out onto my front porch. The butterfly contently lay in the palm of my hand, not about to leave until he knew I received my message. At the point of mutual acknowledgement I raised my hands to the sky and watched as the butterfly so elegantly ascended from my palm up into the sky.

I stood there for a while and watched him circle the yard, as if he was smiling back at me, saying his goodbyes. I thought to myself, "What a magical messenger indeed." From that moment on, I have never turned back.

This soulmate story was published in," Romancing the Soul, True Soul Mate Stories from around the World and Beyond." Find over 60 stories of soulmate connections and an explaination of various types of soulmates.

By Sandy Breckenridge

The CD Boy

2008-10-20T22:51:00.000-07:00

A boy walked into a CD store and saw a girl behind the counter.
She smiled and he thought it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen before and wanted to kiss her right there.

He said "Uh... Yeah... Umm... I would like to buy a CD." He picked one out and gave her money for it.
"Would you like me to wrap it for you?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again.
He nodded and she went to the back.
She came back with the wrapped CD and gave it to him. He took it and walked out of the store. He went home and from then on, he went to that store everyday and bought a CD, and she wrapped it for him. He took the CD home and put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out and he really wanted to but he couldn't. His mother found out about this and told him to just ask her.

So the next day, he took all his courage and went to the store. He bought a CD like he did everyday and once again she went to the back of the store and came back with it wrapped. He took it and when she wasn't looking, he left his phone number on the desk and ran out...
!!!RRRRRING!!!
The mother picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"
It was the girl!!! She asked for the boy and the mother started to cry and said, "You don't know? He passed away yesterday...
" The line was quiet except for the cries of the boy's mother.

Later in the day. The mother went into the boy's room because she wanted to remember him. She thought she would start by looking at his clothes. So she opened the closet. She was face to face with piles and piles and piles of unopened CDs. She was surprised to find all those CDs and she picked one up and sat down on the bed and she started to open one.
Inside, there was a CD and as she took it out of the wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. The mother picked it up and started to read it.
It said: Hi... I think you are really cute. Do you wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn
The mother opened another CD...
Again there was a piece of paper. It said: Hi... I think you are really cute. Do you wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn

JUST A SUITOR

2008-10-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

When i was first year high school i have a crush , a girl with same school i am in , that was 1994 . I didn’t know that she is the cousin of my classmate. She is the very first girl i made a painting , the painting was a male rabbit giving a flower to a female rabbit , on that painting it was not sure if the female rabbit is going to accept that flower but for sure that male rabbit give it as a sign of my love for her.

My classroom was located at the second floor of the same building while her room is below at the very first room of the six sections below. I first saw her while i was on my way home riding on a tricycle maybe that was 5:30 pm . She was also riding at the back portion of the tricycle, actually we have same location , i was at the back of our motor driver and she was at the back of their motor driver.

That was the very first time i saw her and i cant help but look at her all the time. I knew she was from SACS , St. Alphonsus Catholic School because she has the same uniform of girls from our school. I was 13 years old that time and she was around 12 , we were first year student in that school. The school SACS is located at lapu-lapu city Cebu, Philippines. That time i was in section St. Basil the second section while she is in the third section St. Bede. Most of the time i went down and try to look for her. She didn’t recognize me that time maybe because she likes another guy, one of her classmate.

I don’t remember when i gave her that painting , all i remember is i was watching her laugh and very much happy to receive a gift from a teen who she didn’t know yet. I guess she was excited to know me. She actually see me and maybe knew that it was me who give it to her, but i was a weak and shy student back then that time, so nothing really happens aside from that.
There were times when i was trying to think that maybe she likes me , sometime i saw her seat in front of me while we were at computer labs when that seat is really not for her when we were 4th year high school. There are times that she look at me and she was laughing that i was thinking did i make her happy ? well those are just my thoughts nothing really was real about it. Until today i never and still not sure about it , she never go with me , she was never been with me , she didn’t want to be with me. She had 3 boyfriends from high school until she had a job but i was never one of them.

I was just a suitor , and a friend to her. Maybe there was something lacking on me or maybe she just wants me to be her friend and thats it. Many times i wish that she will be my girlfriend and that she will be my wife someday. But time and time again i wish that she would just give me a chance to take her to malls , watch movie , have a date with her , or even talk to her at streets and schools , but what and where i end up ? i just able to call her at phone , visit her at house but never in my life that she went go shopping with me , walk with me and do things that even common friends do.

I didn’t end up with her
I am not saying that she is a bad girl , all i am saying is that we never been together even as good friends. I love her since i was 13 years old , now as the day i was writing this story i am already 25 years old and today is Friday 1:00 pm noon , June 2, 2006 . I write this love story at our office, the same day i see her and we seat side by side on the same Jeepney going to Mandaue City , highway. I am wearing shades with blue shirt while she is in uniform still very white and very pretty. I know this is true love i am 25 and shes 24 now. True and first love never dies is true.

I was asking her where she off / go down, she said ” just right over there , i will take another ride for mabolo 21b jeepney.Also i ask her what time she must be in their office , she told me 8:30 and never been late. Then she went down and told me bye bye. Though she was never been to me it still good to be a friend of her. Being her friend is a lot to me.

As i saw her today i am hoping that someday she will be my wife and have a happy family.Have four children with her to take care. I really love her. Does she still remembers me ? maybe no maybe yes but one thing is sure i will always remember her.

Why my life went wrong For some bad reason at early stage of my life .For some people that knew me , this page may look funny , its shows weakness and failure , but the real thing is , is that it is very very painful that my biggest problem came in when i was 17 years old - an eye disease called pterydium.She is already married now , she was married on October 6, 2006.

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING

2008-10-20T08:49:00.000-07:00

Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, 'Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut way all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, 'He's a dead man.'

"I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breathe and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them. 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

-- By Francie Baltazar-Schwartz --

The Best Version Of You

2008-10-13T19:17:00.000-07:00

Manila International Airport, 2:00 am.
It's been two years since she
had last seen the Manila International Airport.
Not much has changed.
Her last memory of this airport was when Miguel dropped her off.
She was on her way to New York to pursue a career in Wall Street.

"Promise me something will you? Please don't get
married until I come back?"
She jokingly told him as she lifted up her backpack.
"LOL. Very funny.
Ikaw ang mag-promise.
Promise me you won't run off with some nerdy economist in the next two years."

"Let's see, shall we. Bye, Miguel. I'll call you as
soon I get to New York."

That was her last memory in this place.
The warm Manila air made her feel a bit restless and yet she feels excited.
This is the first time in two years she'll be seeing Miguel again.
She was thoughtfully going through the immigration counters,
thinking of how much she missed seeing Miguel.
How different would he be now?
Sure he sends her regular weekly e-mails and pictures but being the
busy person that she had always been,
she didn't get the time to chat
with him and buy a webcam.

She's finally out. "Where is Miguel?"
She wondered. "Ah there!" she
exclaimed when she saw the silver gray Nissan
Patrol parked near the exit. TGW926.
Yup, that's Miguel alright.
Her heart was leaping ahead of her as the driver got off.

"Hey! I missed you!" He said, as he hugged her.

"I missed you too. So much." She said, as she
hugged him back.
It was warm.
It felt good to be back.
It felt great to feel his hug.

"Let me get those." He said pointing at her
luggage. "
Then we'll have more time for hugging and chika."

"Okay."

Edsa, 4:30 am. Miguel's cellphone rings. Mama,
the name flashes on the
screen.

"You should really get that."

"No, you should get that. She's been waiting for
you.
She insist that we go straight to her after I pick you up form the
airport.
She also insist that you spend tomorrow with her."
Miguel was talking about her mother.
Miguel was an only child and his mother
wanted a daughter.

She would often tell Bea that since she doesn't have a
mom anymore, she
should let Tita Doris be her second mom.

She loved Bea as if she were
her own daughter.

"Hello? Yes, Tita.
How are you nap po?... ah opo.
Miguel already told me.
Sige po.
Okay po.
I'll see you later."
She turns off the phone and looks out the window.
The phone rings again, this time the name
"Sugar" flashes on the screen.
Hmmm, "Sugar."
He was quick.
He got a hold of the phone and answered it.
"Hello. Yeah.
Pauwi na.
I'm with her na. Yeah.
Tomorrow, I will. Promise. We'll see you tomorrow."

We? Is that supposed to mean me and him?
See Sugar?
Who is Sugar, anyway?
"Who was that?" she couldn't keep herself from asking.
"Sugar ha?"

"I'll introduce her tomorrow.
Uwi muna tayo sa bahay.
By the way, kamusta na si Edward?" "Edward?"

"Oo, si Edward, naalala mo yung boyfriend na
iniwan mo sa New York?
Anong klase ka ba naming girlfriend?
Kaya hindi kita niligawan eh.
Baka makalimutan mo rin ako."

"Ah si Edward. Hayun.
Nasa New York." Miguel
has met Edward when he
came to New York to give Bea a surprise visit.
He seems a nice guy.
Not the geeky economist Miguel pictured Bea would end up with.
He is actually a cool guy and loves Bea a lot.

"He called me up, a week ago, asking a lot of
things about you.
Parang may balak ata..."

"Balak na?"

"Tell me, did he propose to you?
He sounded like he was going to propose to you kasi."

"Ah look, here we are at Tita Doris."

At Tita Doris', 4:45 am.
A pleasantly plump woman enters the living room.
She was in her mid-fifties,
a familiar warm smile and two open arms.
She welcomed Bea, gave her a big hug and kissed her on the cheek.
"Hay anak, kamusta ka na?
Na-miss na kita.
Pinakain ka ba nito si Miguel?"
"Opo, Tita."
She looked around.
Not much has changed in this house.
She remembers spending her college days in this house.
She remembers sinking into Tita Doris' arms when her mom died.
She remembers only good things about this woman.
She can't remember a time when she had been unkind to her and yes,
she loves her like her own mother.

"Iha, sabihan mo nga yang si Miguel.
Sabihin mo 'wag padalos-dalos magdesisyon."

"Po?"

"Mama naman.
Let Bea rest.
I'll tell her everything tomorrow."
Miguel interrupted his mother before she can spill the beans.

"Ha? What was that all about?" Bea was curious.

"Bukas na lang."

"Okay. Tita, if it's okay I'll go rest now."
She hugged her, and proceeded to climb the stairs.
Miguel followed her carrying her luggage.

"Alam mo I missed this house.
Uy sino ba si Sugar?
Tsaka bakit parang worried nanay mo sa iyo?"

"Bukas na. Sugar is having lunch here."

"Hmmm, intriguing, pero sige. Bukas na."
They were both standing as the door to the guest room.
"Alam mo, it's really good to be back in this house.
I'll see you tomorrow."

Tita Doris' 10:00 am.
She woke up, sunlight flooding her bedroom.
She was able to rest.
She got up, arranged the bed sheets and took a nice, cold shower.
Minutes later, she was down at the garden having brunch with Tita Doris.

"Hi! Tita. Where is Miguel?"

"Sinundo si Sugar."

"Sino ba yang Sugar na yan? Nai-intriga na ako."
"Iha, I'll let Miguel tell you who Sugar is.
Promise me something, though.
Whatever happens you'll always be my daughter, Bea?"

She felt scared.
Why was Tita Doris suddenly serious?
"Opo naman."

"Anyway, iha.
I heard from Miguel your boyfriend sounded like he was going to propose a week ago. Did he propose?"

Bea looked at her hands, bare of any engagement ring.
She looked at Tita Doris and smiled.
Before she could answer, Miguel showed up.
With him is a woman she had not seen before.
She was of medium frame, shoulder length hair and looked very feminine.

"Sugar, the sister I never had, Bea.
Bea, Sugar, my fiance`."
It felt as if somebody had thrown cold water on her.
His what?
Blood rushed to her head.
She blushed.
Her cheeks felt very warm.
She couldn't swallow.
Her heart beating a hundred beats per minute.

"Your what?" She looked at Miguel, blushing then
suddenly white as with shock.
"I'm sorry, Sugar but this is quite a surprise.
Miguel has never mentioned you in any of his e-mails," she
said as she looked at Sugar with a confused look.
She looked at Tita Doris, she looked back as if she was consoling her.

"Yeah, I got engaged.
I'm keeping my promise.
I'm getting married on Saturday.
O di ba you're here so in essence I've kept my promise."

She managed to smile faintly.
She hugged Miguel and congratulated him.
She even managed to tell Sugar "You got a catch here, girl.
Take good care of him or else I will snatch him under your nose."
It sounded as if she was just joking, turning over a very important possession to
it's next owner.
In the deepest recesses of her person, she knew she
meant it.

"He told me a lot of nice things about you."
Sugar said, smiling at her as if they had been friends for the longest time.

"I'm sure he has."

Lunch was served.
All of Bea's favorite Filipino dishes.
She and Sugar spent time chatting the afternoon away, looking at Bea's and Miguel's
college photos and yearbooks.
She found out that Sugar likes most of the things she does.
They both came from the same high school.
As she tried to get to know Sugar better during their afternoon chat,
she realized that not only was she perfect for Miguel, she also seemed like the best gal pal Bea could find.
They talked about the wedding details, the dress, the ring, the shoes, the tiara.
They like almost the same places, the same styles, the same
shops.
She told Sugar they should do shopping marathon together.
Had it been another day, she would be telling herself that this is really a great
opportunity to find someone who understands her shopping needs.

Except that this woman, this perfect, feminine girlfriend was Miguel's fiance`.

Bea's phone rings.

The name Boyfriend flashes.

"You should really get that" Sugar told Bea.

"Yeah, I guess I should. Hello?

Yes? I'm good.

I'm here at Miguel's.

Oh I have in front of me Sugar, Miguel's fiance`.

" The words almost got stuck in her throat, but she still
managed to give Sugar a smile.

"Listen, I'll call you later.

I have very good news for you."

Miguel sat down beside Bea.

Sugar was looking at them and asked
"So tell me?

Was there never a time the two of you were more than Platonic?"

Bea and Miguel looked at each other then looked at their own hands.

He answered
"Of course not.
Bea and I were never like that."
"As in?" Sugar inquired.

"LOL, oo naman.

She was a handful.

Too much to handle for me.

I can't keep up with her.

She's never stands still."

Miguel looked at Bea and smiled, his eyes turning into slits as his dimples gloriously show.

"I guess that's the way
for you. But not for Edward."

Bea replied, with a little hint of disappointment.

"Okay lang yun.
Edward is tough enough."

Miguel was still smiling.

"Wait, speaking of Edward.

I need to call him."

Bea left the garden and went up to her room to call Edward.

"Hello? Edward.

Here goes. Yes.

The answer is Yes."

The wedding went well.

It was one of the most elegant weddings she had seen.

Sugar had everything covered and she was a very beautiful, blushing bride.

"I, Miguel, take you, Sugar, as my friend and love, beside me and apart from me, in laughter and in tears, in conflict and tranquility, asking that you be no other than
yourself, love what I know of you, trusting what I do not know yet, in all the ways that life may find us."

Bea felt a stab of pain hitting her heart.

She slowly got up. Tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.

Bea is once again on her way to the airport.

Miguel is driving for her, this time with a wedding ring on his left finger.

"Hay, here we go again.

I'm driving you to the airport.

Kailan na naman kaya tao magkikita?"

"Ewan ko.
Tell me something," her tone all too serious.

"What was it that you love about Sugar?
How did you know she was the one?"

Miguel just smiled.

"Dali na ano? Malay mo I need to decide in a couple of days
diba?"

"You know what I love about her?

The same things I loved about you before.

The only difference is that she's not as ambitious as you are.

When you left for New York two years ago,
I knew I don't have a place in the life you've chosen.

I don't blame you for that.

You're good in your field and I thought to myself that it's your right to move
on without me.

Moving away was a decision you made for yourself.

I know this sounds silly and you might nag me about it but I found the better version of you in Sugar.

She's so much like you in so many ways but the only difference is she loves
me more than you do."

She wanted to cry but kept her composure.

She just chuckled a laugh.

How could he move on without her?

Why was it easy for him and not for her?

As she got off the car, she gave Miguel one last hug.

This time she felt her heart heavy.

"I guess this is goodbye?"

she told

"Wait, I'm not letting you out until you answer question.
Did Edward propose?"

Bea showed Miguel her left hand.

In it was a one carat diamond solitaire ring set in platinum.
"Yes."

Miguel let out a sigh and congratulated her.

As Miguel turned his gaze from the steering wheel to
Bea's face, he saw a single tear fall from her right
eye and then she said, "If it gives any consolation.

Edward was the best version of you that I can find
in New York."

DoN't LEt gO tOo sOon bUt dON't HaNg On tOo lOnG when loving someone never regret what u did ...
only regret what u never did ..

its not a matter of finding the right person ...
but its a matter of being the right person 4 the one u
choose to LOVE....

Fight or Let Go

2008-10-13T10:03:00.000-07:00

What if we walk or talk to finally "LET GO..."
BADTRIP!!!

Masakit di ba?

It breaks your heart even more...
kung alam mo
sa sarili mo na...
sobrang LOVE mo siya!!!

Like,
you've sacrificed A LOT!!!

Marami ka nang nagawa na di mo nagagawa sa
iba...
Pero di niya lahat nakikita yun!!!

He was so blind!!!
to see...
and so deaf...
to hear!!!

Why?!

Ewan ko ba...
kung bakit may mga tao na...

Sobrang...
MANHID!!! manhid!!! Manhid!!! manHID!!!

Or probably nag-mamanhid-manhidan lang cla...

Dahil ba...
HINDI ka talaga niya GUSTO!!! or
IBA
ang MAHAL niya...

ang SAKIT-sakit!!!
diba...

Hindi mo tuloy alam if you should let go of your
feelings for him or not!!!
once and for all...

my GOD!!!

As I've said...

Mas madali siguro mag-LET GO...
if you know
he doesn't give a thing about you...
els DESERVEs YOU!!!

Syempre kung meron...
hindi niya pababayaan
na MAWALA ka...

TANGA muh...

But if you think na...
OK lang sa kanya yun...

Don't be a FOOL!!!

LET GO...
na ineng!!!

How would you fight for THE ONE you LOVE?

eh "mahal" ka ba naman...

Hmmn...
MAHAL mo nga!!!
pro habang ipinaglalaban mo
naman siya...

ipinaglalaban niya din yung taong MAHAL
NIYA!!!

sorry to tell you...
HINDI IKAW UN!!!

What are we to do? E ganyan talaga!!!

REALITY BITES!!! ika nga!!!
(as the saying goes...)

MASAKIT, MAHIRAP, PARANG di MO
MAKAKAYA...

OO, that's NORMAL sa pag LE-LET GO.

Sometimes...
you'd really want to forget all the
hurts and convince yourself that YOU'LL BE
LOVING HIM NO MATTER WHAT!
COME WHAT MAY! FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

P*******A!!!
SWERTE nya!!!
MALAS mo...

Ang nakapagtataka pa dun...
bakit ayan ka na naman...
di mo naisip...

NAPATAWAD mo siya
agad!!!
at nakalimutan ang sakit...

GAGA!!!
mabuhay ang mga TANGA!!!

PERO WALA NAMAN SYANG GINAGAWA...

WALA SIYANG GINAGAWA KUNDI SAKTAN
KA!!!

ang mas masakit pa dyan...

THE DANG CYCLE GOES ON AND ON AND
ON...

Paulit-ulit lang yan...

OK!

Palusot ng IBA...
pag mahal mo,
di ka
dapat magsawa!!!
"mahal mu eh"

KAMOTE!!!
PUCHA!!!
TAE MOH!!!
HAYUP KA!!!
TANG'na!!!

C'mon!!!
MAGSAWA NA tayo sa MGA SAKIT
na binibigay nila!!!

THINK MAN!!!
HOY... GICENG!!!

kung gano natin sila kamahal...
GANUN DIN cla!!!
hndi nga lng tayo ang minamahal...

mahal ba natin sila dahil ganun sila?

O...

ganun sila dahil ALAM nila na mahal natin
sila!!!

gagu nuh...

Hai...
hay...
buhay...
kumag talaga ang mga taong katulad
MOH...

AY!!!

nila pala!!!

Dahil pinakawalan nila ang katulad natin!!!

TAMA!!!...

Im NOT expecting you guys to absorb dis!!!
everything i'm trying to say here...

All I want is for u to REFLECT...

BIBITAW NA BA AKO?

Who knows...
pag bitaw mo sa kanya...

MAY DARATING na MAS DESERVING...

Someone who will hold your hand and
"GROW OLD" with you...

So now...

Will you?

MOVE ON AND LET GO!!!

or be like that for life???

ikaw...

it is your choice..

The story of blind girl

2008-10-11T23:40:00.000-07:00

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she’s blind.
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend.
He’s always there for her.
She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend asked her, “now that you can see the world, will you marry me?”
The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. “Just take care of my eyes dear.”

This is how human brain changes when the status changed.

Only few remember what life was before, and who’s always been there even in the most painful situations.

Life is A Gift.

Today before you think of saying an unkind word - Think of someone who can’t speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone ho’s crying out for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven/hell.

Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they’re barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn’t clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank — you’re alive and still around

Life is a gift - Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, And Fulfill it.

Know when to fight and know when to let go

2008-10-11T12:43:00.000-07:00

What a girl needs most is love.
What a guy needsmost is respect.
The most important thing for a woman is her heart.
For a guy its his ego.

Give your man his own time and space.
Let him have his time for his friends, sports,family, self, and God.
The relationship will grow old quickly if lagi kayong magkasama .
Give him time to miss you and you'll see how he will love you more.
If the guy naman is obsessed and just wants to be with you all the time,
tell him you cant respect a "puppy" for long.

Do things differently anytime.
Para kahit matagal na kayo, there is always something fresh and new.
Variety is the spice of life.

Discover something you both like to do and enjoy it TWOgether.
Doon naman sa mga bagay na magka-iba ang hilig nyo,
compliment to teach other by learning about it kahit konti.
If you love someone,yung effort nyo to try will go alooooong way to understand him/her later pag may disagreement kayo.
Pray with holding hands.
Sounds corny noh?
May be, but its very Powerful.
Pag maytakot sa Diyos ang boyfriend mo, kampante ka nadi ka nyalolokohin, because he knows God sees everything he does in secret.
Ikaw na ang magkusa that before you part after a date,
with holdhands and eyes closed, pray to God to bless you two.
Believe me it's effective.
Ka ilanman, di corny ang magdasal.

Believe in "Magic" (magic ka dyan?Hehe..).
Kahit di minsan practical o walang logical na dahilan, o matrabaho,o soundscrazy sa iba,
Do sweet little things (dapat talaga ito!!!) for the one you love kahit magmukha ka ng timang. The memories will be fun to recall later in life.The corniest song o gift o letter ang laging kabog!

True love brings out the best in each other.
Find something good in your boy/girlfriend and nurture it,encourage it and syempre,
ENJOY it.

It's healthy to fight (oo naman).
Doon nyo lang maaayos ang mga differences nyo at natetest ang tatag ng relationship.
Doon mo rin sya makikilala ng mabuti.
Its called test of fire.
Di mahalaga how dalas you fight.
What matters is how often you make bati.

Mas nakakatakot yung relasyong sobrang perfectat laging masaya.
One big fight and that's it!
And diba mas kilig yung malambing na... "uy,bati natayo...".
But don't over-do it.
Kakapagod naman din na lagi na lang manuyo o magsori (ouch).
Choose the battles na papatulan mo.
The little issues,palampasi n na.
Don't sweat the small stuff.

Daraan sa iba't-ibang stages ang love especially pagmatagal na kayo.
Grow with it. Don't expect him to be like nung una.
'Coz like a student, di naituturo sa grade 6 yung lessons napang-grade 2.
Change WILL happen...
You both will change and your love WILL change too.
It's up to you na lang if the change will be for the better or for the worse.

Life is about growth.
Grow with it.
When break up comes and it's time to say goodbye ,
Don't doubt the love just because it didn't last.
May mga bagay sa buhay na di man nagtatagal, it doesn't mean di na ito totoo.
Some good things are just never meant to last forever.
Okay lang yon.
Bless the parting and move on. (cnokaya natatamaan dito?)

Expect tears, sorrow, sleepless nights and pain.
Ika nga "it's when you hurt the worse that you love the MOST."
Kung di ka willing masaktan,wag kana lang magmahal.

Life is a balance.
And love is both holding on and letting go.
Know when to fight for your man/woman and when to let him/her go.
God will guide you kung anong dapat gawin sa kung anong sitwasyon.
So dapat mataas ang signal ng langit sa cellfone ng puso mo to know His wisdom.