Try to stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself. If you're used to focusing on your shortcomings, start thinking about positive aspects of yourself that outweigh them. When you catch yourself being too critical, counter it by saying something positive about yourself. Each day, write down three things about yourself that make you happy.
Aim for accomplishments rather than perfection. Some people become paralyzed by perfection. Instead of holding yourself back with thoughts like, "I won't audition for the play until I lose 10 pounds," think about what you're good at and what you enjoy, and go for it.
View mistakes as learning opportunities. Accept that you will make mistakes because everyone does. Mistakes are part of learning. Remind yourself that a person's talents are constantly developing, and everyone excels at different things — it's what makes people interesting.
Try new things. Experiment with different activities that will help you get in touch with your talents. Then take pride in new skills you develop.
Recognize what you can change and what you can't. If you realize that you're unhappy with something about yourself that you can change, then start today. If it's something you can't change (like your height), then start to work toward loving yourself the way you are.
Set goals. Think about what you'd like to accomplish, then make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan and keep track of your progress.
Take pride in your opinions and ideas. Don't be afraid to voice them.
Make a contribution. Tutor a classmate who's having trouble, help clean up your neighborhood, participate in a walk-a-thon for a good cause, or volunteer your time in some other way. Feeling like you're making a difference and that your help is valued can do wonders to improve self-esteem.
Exercise! You'll relieve stress, and be healthier and happier.
Have fun. Ever found yourself thinking stuff like "I'd have more friends if I were thinner"? Enjoy spending time with the people you care about and doing the things you love. Relax and have a good time — and avoid putting your life on hold.
It's never too late to build healthy, positive self-esteem. In some cases where the emotional hurt is deep or long lasting, it can take the help of a mental health professional, like a counselor or therapist. These experts can act as a guide, helping people learn to love themselves and realize what's unique and special about them.
Self-esteem plays a role in almost everything you do. People with high self-esteem do better in school and find it easier to make friends. They tend to have better relationships with peers and adults, feel happier, find it easier to deal with mistakes, disappointments, and failures, and are more likely to stick with something until they succeed. It takes some work, but it's a skill you'll have for life.
Friday, November 7, 2008
STRESS
Feeling like there are too many pressures and demands on you? Losing sleep worrying about tests and schoolwork? Eating on the run because your schedule is just too busy? You're not alone. Everyone experiences stress at times - adults, teens, and even kids. But there are things you can do to minimize stress and manage the stress that's unavoidable.
What Is Stress?
Stress is a feeling that's created when we react to particular events. It's the body's way of rising to a challenge and preparing to meet a tough situation with focus, strength, stamina, and heightened alertness.
The events that provoke stress are called stressors, and they cover a whole range of situations - everything from outright physical danger to making a class presentation or taking a semester's worth of your toughest subject.
The human body responds to stressors by activating the nervous system and specific hormones. The hypothalamus signals the adrenal glands to produce more of the hormones adrenaline and cortisol and release them into the bloodstream. These hormones speed up heart rate, breathing rate, blood pressure, and metabolism. Blood vessels open wider to let more blood flow to large muscle groups, putting our muscles on alert. Pupils dilate to improve vision. The liver releases some of its stored glucose to increase the body's energy. And sweat is produced to cool the body. All of these physical changes prepare a person to react quickly and effectively to handle the pressure of the moment.
This natural reaction is known as the stress response. Working properly, the body's stress response enhances a person's ability to perform well under pressure. But the stress response can also cause problems when it overreacts or fails to turn off and reset itself properly.
Good Stress and Bad Stress
The stress response (also called the fight or flight response) is critical during emergency
situations, such as when a driver has to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident. It can also be activated in a milder form at a time when the pressure's on but there's no actual danger - like stepping up to take the foul shot that could win the game, getting ready to go to a big dance, or sitting down for a final exam. A little of this stress can help keep you on your toes, ready to rise to a challenge. And the nervous system quickly returns to its normal state, standing by to respond again when needed.
But stress doesn't always happen in response to things that are immediate or that are over quickly. Ongoing or long-term events, like coping with a divorce or moving to a new neighborhood or school, can cause stress, too. Long-term stressful situations can produce a lasting, low-level stress that's hard on people. The nervous system senses continued pressure and may remain slightly activated and continue to pump out extra stress hormones over an extended period. This can wear out the body's reserves, leave a person feeling depleted or overwhelmed, weaken the body's immune system, and cause other problems.
What Causes Stress Overload?
Although just enough stress can be a good thing, stress overload is a different story - too much stress isn't good for anyone. For example, feeling a little stress about a test that's coming up can motivate you to study hard. But stressing out too much over the test can make it hard to concentrate on the material you need to learn.
Pressures that are too intense or last too long, or troubles that are shouldered alone, can cause people to feel stress overload. Here are some of the things that can overwhelm the body's ability to cope if they continue for a long time:
being bullied or exposed to violence or injury
relationship stress, family conflicts, or the heavy emotions that can accompany a broken heart or the death of a loved one
ongoing problems with schoolwork related to a learning disability or other problems, such as ADHD (usually once the problem is recognized and the person is given the right learning support the stress disappears)
crammed schedules, not having enough time to rest and relax, and always being on the go
Some stressful situations can be extreme and may require special attention and care. Posttraumatic stress disorder is a very strong stress reaction that can develop in people who have lived through an extremely traumatic event, such as a serious car accident, a natural disaster like an earthquake, or an assault like rape.
Some people have anxiety problems that can cause them to overreact to stress, making even small difficulties seem like crises. If a person frequently feels tense, upset, worried, or stressed, it may be a sign of anxiety. Anxiety problems usually need attention, and many people turn to professional counselors for help in overcoming them.
Signs of Stress Overload
People who are experiencing stress overload may notice some of the following signs:
anxiety or panic attacks
a feeling of being constantly pressured, hassled, and hurried
irritability and moodiness
physical symptoms, such as stomach problems, headaches, or even chest pain
allergic reactions, such as eczema or asthma
problems sleeping
drinking too much, smoking, overeating, or doing drugs
sadness or depression
Everyone experiences stress a little differently. Some people become angry and act out their stress or take it out on others. Some people internalize it and develop eating disorders or substance abuse problems. And some people who have a chronic illness may find that the symptoms of their illness flare up under an overload of stress.
Keep Stress Under Control
What can you do to deal with stress overload or, better yet, to avoid it in the first place? The most helpful method of dealing with stress is learning how to manage the stress that comes along with any new challenge, good or bad. Stress-management skills work best when they're used regularly, not just when the pressure's on. Knowing how to "de-stress" and doing it when things are relatively calm can help you get through challenging circumstances that may arise. Here are some things that can help keep stress under control.
Take a stand against overscheduling. If you're feeling stretched, consider cutting out an activity or two, opting for just the ones that are most important to you.
Be realistic. Don't try to be perfect - no one is. And expecting others to be perfect can add to your stress level, too (not to mention put a lot of pressure on them!). If you need help on something, like schoolwork, ask for it.
Get a good night's sleep. Getting enough sleep helps keep your body and mind in top shape, making you better equipped to deal with any negative stressors. Because the biological "sleep clock" shifts during adolescence, many teens prefer staying up a little later at night and sleeping a little later in the morning. But if you stay up late and still need to get up early for school, you may not get all the hours of sleep you need.
Learn to relax. The body's natural antidote to stress is called the relaxation response. It's your body's opposite of stress, and it creates a sense of well-being and calm. The chemical benefits of the relaxation response can be activated simply by relaxing. You can help trigger the relaxation response by learning simple breathing exercises and then using them when you're caught up in stressful situations. And ensure you stay relaxed by building time into your schedule for activities that are calming and pleasurable: reading a good book or making time for a hobby, spending time with your pet, or just taking a relaxing bath.
Treat your body well. Experts agree that getting regular exercise helps people manage stress. (Excessive or compulsive exercise can contribute to stress, though, so as in all things, use moderation.) And eat well to help your body get the right fuel to function at its best. It's easy when you're stressed out to eat on the run or eat junk food or fast food. But under stressful conditions, the body needs its vitamins and minerals more than ever. Some people may turn to substance abuse as a way to ease tension. Although alcohol or drugs may seem to lift the stress temporarily, relying on them to cope with stress actually promotes more stress because it wears down the body's ability to bounce back.
Watch what you're thinking. Your outlook, attitude, and thoughts influence the way you see things. Is your cup half full or half empty? A healthy dose of optimism can help you make the best of stressful circumstances. Even if you're out of practice, or tend to be a bit of a pessimist, everyone can learn to think more optimistically and reap the benefits.
Solve the little problems. Learning to solve everyday problems can give you a sense of control. But avoiding them can leave you feeling like you have little control and that just adds to stress. Develop skills to calmly look at a problem, figure out options, and take some action toward a solution. Feeling capable of solving little problems builds the inner confidence to move on to life's bigger ones - and it and can serve you well in times of stress.
Build Your Resilience
Ever notice that certain people seem to adapt quickly to stressful circumstances and take things in stride? They're cool under pressure and able to handle problems as they come up.
Researchers have identified the qualities that make some people seem naturally resilient even when faced with high levels of stress. If you want to build your resilience, work on developing these attitudes and behaviors:
Think of change as a challenging and normal part of life.
See setbacks and problems as temporary and solvable.
Believe that you will succeed if you keep working toward your goals.
Take action to solve problems that crop up.
Build strong relationships and keep commitments to family and friends.
Have a support system and ask for help.
Participate regularly in activities for relaxation and fun.
Learn to think of challenges as opportunities and stressors as temporary problems, not
disasters. Practice solving problems and asking others for help and guidance rather than complaining and letting stress build. Make goals and keep track of your progress. Make time for relaxation. Be optimistic. Believe in yourself. Be sure to breathe. And let a little stress motivate you into positive action to reach your goals.
What Is Stress?
Stress is a feeling that's created when we react to particular events. It's the body's way of rising to a challenge and preparing to meet a tough situation with focus, strength, stamina, and heightened alertness.
The events that provoke stress are called stressors, and they cover a whole range of situations - everything from outright physical danger to making a class presentation or taking a semester's worth of your toughest subject.
The human body responds to stressors by activating the nervous system and specific hormones. The hypothalamus signals the adrenal glands to produce more of the hormones adrenaline and cortisol and release them into the bloodstream. These hormones speed up heart rate, breathing rate, blood pressure, and metabolism. Blood vessels open wider to let more blood flow to large muscle groups, putting our muscles on alert. Pupils dilate to improve vision. The liver releases some of its stored glucose to increase the body's energy. And sweat is produced to cool the body. All of these physical changes prepare a person to react quickly and effectively to handle the pressure of the moment.
This natural reaction is known as the stress response. Working properly, the body's stress response enhances a person's ability to perform well under pressure. But the stress response can also cause problems when it overreacts or fails to turn off and reset itself properly.
Good Stress and Bad Stress
The stress response (also called the fight or flight response) is critical during emergency
situations, such as when a driver has to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident. It can also be activated in a milder form at a time when the pressure's on but there's no actual danger - like stepping up to take the foul shot that could win the game, getting ready to go to a big dance, or sitting down for a final exam. A little of this stress can help keep you on your toes, ready to rise to a challenge. And the nervous system quickly returns to its normal state, standing by to respond again when needed.
But stress doesn't always happen in response to things that are immediate or that are over quickly. Ongoing or long-term events, like coping with a divorce or moving to a new neighborhood or school, can cause stress, too. Long-term stressful situations can produce a lasting, low-level stress that's hard on people. The nervous system senses continued pressure and may remain slightly activated and continue to pump out extra stress hormones over an extended period. This can wear out the body's reserves, leave a person feeling depleted or overwhelmed, weaken the body's immune system, and cause other problems.
What Causes Stress Overload?
Although just enough stress can be a good thing, stress overload is a different story - too much stress isn't good for anyone. For example, feeling a little stress about a test that's coming up can motivate you to study hard. But stressing out too much over the test can make it hard to concentrate on the material you need to learn.
Pressures that are too intense or last too long, or troubles that are shouldered alone, can cause people to feel stress overload. Here are some of the things that can overwhelm the body's ability to cope if they continue for a long time:
being bullied or exposed to violence or injury
relationship stress, family conflicts, or the heavy emotions that can accompany a broken heart or the death of a loved one
ongoing problems with schoolwork related to a learning disability or other problems, such as ADHD (usually once the problem is recognized and the person is given the right learning support the stress disappears)
crammed schedules, not having enough time to rest and relax, and always being on the go
Some stressful situations can be extreme and may require special attention and care. Posttraumatic stress disorder is a very strong stress reaction that can develop in people who have lived through an extremely traumatic event, such as a serious car accident, a natural disaster like an earthquake, or an assault like rape.
Some people have anxiety problems that can cause them to overreact to stress, making even small difficulties seem like crises. If a person frequently feels tense, upset, worried, or stressed, it may be a sign of anxiety. Anxiety problems usually need attention, and many people turn to professional counselors for help in overcoming them.
Signs of Stress Overload
People who are experiencing stress overload may notice some of the following signs:
anxiety or panic attacks
a feeling of being constantly pressured, hassled, and hurried
irritability and moodiness
physical symptoms, such as stomach problems, headaches, or even chest pain
allergic reactions, such as eczema or asthma
problems sleeping
drinking too much, smoking, overeating, or doing drugs
sadness or depression
Everyone experiences stress a little differently. Some people become angry and act out their stress or take it out on others. Some people internalize it and develop eating disorders or substance abuse problems. And some people who have a chronic illness may find that the symptoms of their illness flare up under an overload of stress.
Keep Stress Under Control
What can you do to deal with stress overload or, better yet, to avoid it in the first place? The most helpful method of dealing with stress is learning how to manage the stress that comes along with any new challenge, good or bad. Stress-management skills work best when they're used regularly, not just when the pressure's on. Knowing how to "de-stress" and doing it when things are relatively calm can help you get through challenging circumstances that may arise. Here are some things that can help keep stress under control.
Take a stand against overscheduling. If you're feeling stretched, consider cutting out an activity or two, opting for just the ones that are most important to you.
Be realistic. Don't try to be perfect - no one is. And expecting others to be perfect can add to your stress level, too (not to mention put a lot of pressure on them!). If you need help on something, like schoolwork, ask for it.
Get a good night's sleep. Getting enough sleep helps keep your body and mind in top shape, making you better equipped to deal with any negative stressors. Because the biological "sleep clock" shifts during adolescence, many teens prefer staying up a little later at night and sleeping a little later in the morning. But if you stay up late and still need to get up early for school, you may not get all the hours of sleep you need.
Learn to relax. The body's natural antidote to stress is called the relaxation response. It's your body's opposite of stress, and it creates a sense of well-being and calm. The chemical benefits of the relaxation response can be activated simply by relaxing. You can help trigger the relaxation response by learning simple breathing exercises and then using them when you're caught up in stressful situations. And ensure you stay relaxed by building time into your schedule for activities that are calming and pleasurable: reading a good book or making time for a hobby, spending time with your pet, or just taking a relaxing bath.
Treat your body well. Experts agree that getting regular exercise helps people manage stress. (Excessive or compulsive exercise can contribute to stress, though, so as in all things, use moderation.) And eat well to help your body get the right fuel to function at its best. It's easy when you're stressed out to eat on the run or eat junk food or fast food. But under stressful conditions, the body needs its vitamins and minerals more than ever. Some people may turn to substance abuse as a way to ease tension. Although alcohol or drugs may seem to lift the stress temporarily, relying on them to cope with stress actually promotes more stress because it wears down the body's ability to bounce back.
Watch what you're thinking. Your outlook, attitude, and thoughts influence the way you see things. Is your cup half full or half empty? A healthy dose of optimism can help you make the best of stressful circumstances. Even if you're out of practice, or tend to be a bit of a pessimist, everyone can learn to think more optimistically and reap the benefits.
Solve the little problems. Learning to solve everyday problems can give you a sense of control. But avoiding them can leave you feeling like you have little control and that just adds to stress. Develop skills to calmly look at a problem, figure out options, and take some action toward a solution. Feeling capable of solving little problems builds the inner confidence to move on to life's bigger ones - and it and can serve you well in times of stress.
Build Your Resilience
Ever notice that certain people seem to adapt quickly to stressful circumstances and take things in stride? They're cool under pressure and able to handle problems as they come up.
Researchers have identified the qualities that make some people seem naturally resilient even when faced with high levels of stress. If you want to build your resilience, work on developing these attitudes and behaviors:
Think of change as a challenging and normal part of life.
See setbacks and problems as temporary and solvable.
Believe that you will succeed if you keep working toward your goals.
Take action to solve problems that crop up.
Build strong relationships and keep commitments to family and friends.
Have a support system and ask for help.
Participate regularly in activities for relaxation and fun.
Learn to think of challenges as opportunities and stressors as temporary problems, not
disasters. Practice solving problems and asking others for help and guidance rather than complaining and letting stress build. Make goals and keep track of your progress. Make time for relaxation. Be optimistic. Believe in yourself. Be sure to breathe. And let a little stress motivate you into positive action to reach your goals.
5 Ways to Shake Shyness
Having a shy style isn't necessarily a problem. It's perfectly OK to take time to warm up to new people and situations. But shyness blocks some people from being as comfortable or sociable as they'd like to be.
Some people want to feel less shy so they can have more fun socializing and being themselves around others. Here are some tips for overcoming shy feelings:
Start small with people you know. Practice social behaviors like eye contact, confident body language, introductions, small talk, asking questions, and invitations with the people you feel most comfortable around. Smile. Build your confidence this way. Then branch out to do this with new friends, too.
Think of some conversation starters. Often, the hardest part of talking to someone new is getting started. Think of conversation openers, like introducing yourself ("Hi, I'm Chris, we're in the same English class"), giving a compliment ("That jacket looks great on you"), or asking a question ("Do you know when our report is due?"). Being ready with a conversation starter (or a few) makes it easier to approach someone.
Rehearse what to say. When you're ready to try something you've been avoiding because of shyness — like a phone call or a conversation — write down what you want to say beforehand. Rehearse it out loud, maybe even in front of the mirror. Then just do it. Don't worry if it's not exactly like you practiced or if it's not perfect. Few of the things more confident-seeming people do are perfect either. Be proud that you gave it a go. Next time, it'll be even better because it will be easier.
Give yourself a chance. Find group activities where you can be with people who share your interests. Give yourself a chance to practice socializing with these new people, and get to know them slowly. People who are shy often worry about failing or how others will judge them. Worries and feelings like these can keep you from trying. If self-criticism plays a role for you, ask yourself whether you'd be this critical of your best friend. Chances are you'd be much more accepting. So treat yourself like your own best friend. Encourage yourself instead of expecting to fail.
Develop your assertiveness. Because shy people can be overly concerned with other peoples' reactions, they don't want to rock the boat. That doesn't mean they're wimpy or cowardly. But it can mean they are less likely to be assertive. Being assertive means speaking up for yourself when you should, asking for what you want or need, or telling other people when they're stepping on your toes.
Most of all, be yourself. It's OK to try out different conversational approaches you see others using. But say and do what fits your style. Being the real you — and daring to let yourself be noticed — is what attracts friends.
Some people want to feel less shy so they can have more fun socializing and being themselves around others. Here are some tips for overcoming shy feelings:
Start small with people you know. Practice social behaviors like eye contact, confident body language, introductions, small talk, asking questions, and invitations with the people you feel most comfortable around. Smile. Build your confidence this way. Then branch out to do this with new friends, too.
Think of some conversation starters. Often, the hardest part of talking to someone new is getting started. Think of conversation openers, like introducing yourself ("Hi, I'm Chris, we're in the same English class"), giving a compliment ("That jacket looks great on you"), or asking a question ("Do you know when our report is due?"). Being ready with a conversation starter (or a few) makes it easier to approach someone.
Rehearse what to say. When you're ready to try something you've been avoiding because of shyness — like a phone call or a conversation — write down what you want to say beforehand. Rehearse it out loud, maybe even in front of the mirror. Then just do it. Don't worry if it's not exactly like you practiced or if it's not perfect. Few of the things more confident-seeming people do are perfect either. Be proud that you gave it a go. Next time, it'll be even better because it will be easier.
Give yourself a chance. Find group activities where you can be with people who share your interests. Give yourself a chance to practice socializing with these new people, and get to know them slowly. People who are shy often worry about failing or how others will judge them. Worries and feelings like these can keep you from trying. If self-criticism plays a role for you, ask yourself whether you'd be this critical of your best friend. Chances are you'd be much more accepting. So treat yourself like your own best friend. Encourage yourself instead of expecting to fail.
Develop your assertiveness. Because shy people can be overly concerned with other peoples' reactions, they don't want to rock the boat. That doesn't mean they're wimpy or cowardly. But it can mean they are less likely to be assertive. Being assertive means speaking up for yourself when you should, asking for what you want or need, or telling other people when they're stepping on your toes.
Most of all, be yourself. It's OK to try out different conversational approaches you see others using. But say and do what fits your style. Being the real you — and daring to let yourself be noticed — is what attracts friends.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Advice on Coming Out to Your Parents
8 Tips for Telling Your Parents You're Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual And/or Transgendered
By Racheline Maltese
For many in the GBLT community, coming out to our parents and family is one of the most challenging things we'll ever do. Let's face it, no matter how great our relationship with our parents, and no matter how old we are, coming out is at least a little scary and maybe even a lot. Having just gone through the ordeal of coming out to my parents (much later than I should have, truth be told), here's some advice that I hope will make coming out to your parents easier for you.
1. Understand why you've decided to come out. Is it a matter of personal integrity? Is it a desire to introduce them to a boyfriend or girlfriend? Is it to shock? To make sure they still love you? Or are you simply sick of having secrets? Make sure you know your motives, as it will enable you to understand and respond appropriately to the reaction you want, the reaction you expect and the reaction you ultimately get.
2. If you've decided this is absolutely, positively the time for coming out to your parents, but you're scared you won't go through with it, tell someone close to you who already knows about your sexuality that this is in the works. The support, encouragement and peer pressure will help you make it happen.
3. Realize that there's never a perfect time for coming out to your parents. Between holidays, birthdays and the stresses of every day life, it would be easy to rule out every day on the calendar as not the right day to share the news. Plan appropriately (because really, your mom may be thrilled your gay, but may well prefer flowers for her birthday), but accept that if you're looking for the ideal moment, it's probably never going to come.
4. Give your family the benefit of the doubt. If you're anything like me, you've probably thought up dozens of possible responses they might have or questions they might ask. If you try to address these all in your initial communication on the subject, it will only put them on the defensive. Just tell them who you are, and that you're open to discussing any questions that they have. They might surprise you.
By Racheline Maltese
For many in the GBLT community, coming out to our parents and family is one of the most challenging things we'll ever do. Let's face it, no matter how great our relationship with our parents, and no matter how old we are, coming out is at least a little scary and maybe even a lot. Having just gone through the ordeal of coming out to my parents (much later than I should have, truth be told), here's some advice that I hope will make coming out to your parents easier for you.
1. Understand why you've decided to come out. Is it a matter of personal integrity? Is it a desire to introduce them to a boyfriend or girlfriend? Is it to shock? To make sure they still love you? Or are you simply sick of having secrets? Make sure you know your motives, as it will enable you to understand and respond appropriately to the reaction you want, the reaction you expect and the reaction you ultimately get.
2. If you've decided this is absolutely, positively the time for coming out to your parents, but you're scared you won't go through with it, tell someone close to you who already knows about your sexuality that this is in the works. The support, encouragement and peer pressure will help you make it happen.
3. Realize that there's never a perfect time for coming out to your parents. Between holidays, birthdays and the stresses of every day life, it would be easy to rule out every day on the calendar as not the right day to share the news. Plan appropriately (because really, your mom may be thrilled your gay, but may well prefer flowers for her birthday), but accept that if you're looking for the ideal moment, it's probably never going to come.
4. Give your family the benefit of the doubt. If you're anything like me, you've probably thought up dozens of possible responses they might have or questions they might ask. If you try to address these all in your initial communication on the subject, it will only put them on the defensive. Just tell them who you are, and that you're open to discussing any questions that they have. They might surprise you.
5 Tips on a Successful Lesbian Relationship
By Michelle WithaM
Talk to each other about disagreements
You want to talk to each other regarding anything that may be bugging you. You need to be able to talk freely. You want to always avoid being mad at each other long term. You should talk to each other instead of holding emotions inside. The more you and your partner talk to each other openly then you will have less disagreements. Why? You will be able to work things out in advance.
Let your partner know that you are happy with her
Make sure to tell each other nice things each day. You want each other to feel special and loved. This is important in order to keep yourself in a successful happy relationship. You want them to know that you care. Make sure to call each other during the day to say I love you. Make sure to give each other little gifts here and there just to let her know that you are thinking about her.
Be careful what you say to other women
You don't want to upset your partner. You need to be careful when speaking to another women. You don't want your partner to get the wrong impression so be careful in how you speak and act in front of other women. Don't be too touchy with other women. You don't want them to get the wrong idea either. You don't want them to know your telephone number since a women could start trouble by calling you all hours of the night. Do pay attention to the words spoken to each other Women are emotional people. We often get upset over little things that men wouldn't get upset over. We need to pay attention to what us women say to each other. You don't want to say something that would hurt each other feelings. You need to think carefully before you say what you want to say especially during an argument. You don't want to yell at each other during a silly argument.
Remember each important dates
Talk to each other about disagreements
You want to talk to each other regarding anything that may be bugging you. You need to be able to talk freely. You want to always avoid being mad at each other long term. You should talk to each other instead of holding emotions inside. The more you and your partner talk to each other openly then you will have less disagreements. Why? You will be able to work things out in advance.
Let your partner know that you are happy with her
Make sure to tell each other nice things each day. You want each other to feel special and loved. This is important in order to keep yourself in a successful happy relationship. You want them to know that you care. Make sure to call each other during the day to say I love you. Make sure to give each other little gifts here and there just to let her know that you are thinking about her.
Be careful what you say to other women
You don't want to upset your partner. You need to be careful when speaking to another women. You don't want your partner to get the wrong impression so be careful in how you speak and act in front of other women. Don't be too touchy with other women. You don't want them to get the wrong idea either. You don't want them to know your telephone number since a women could start trouble by calling you all hours of the night. Do pay attention to the words spoken to each other Women are emotional people. We often get upset over little things that men wouldn't get upset over. We need to pay attention to what us women say to each other. You don't want to say something that would hurt each other feelings. You need to think carefully before you say what you want to say especially during an argument. You don't want to yell at each other during a silly argument.
Remember each important dates
10 Tips to Build a Lasting Lesbian Relationship
by Pat Cheney
Falling in love is wonderful, but it is really the easy part of any lesbian relationship. What takes work and commitment is keeping that relationship going even after the passion fades, which it most likely will over time. Most experts agree that passionate love has a life expectancy of 2 to 4 years. So compatibility and mutual respect become increasingly important as your partnership progresses. Here are some tips to help you along. Most are applicable to any relationship, but lesbians do have some specific concerns.
Communication, Communication, Communication: Don't let small fissures in your relationship turn into insurmountable canyons! Let your partner know what you are thinking about big and small things. If something is bothering you, speak up. Problems can't be solved unless you talk about it.
Make Time For Each Other: Life's demands will always get in the way. If you don't schedule "Us" time, it probably won't happen for you. Once a time is blocked off on the calendar, then both of you know to arrange other commitments around that time. For instance, you can block out Friday nights as time you dedicate to your relationship.
Keep It Fresh: You know how the saying goes, "Relationships take work." Well, that is true, but it doesn't always have to have a negative connotation. If you introduce an element of surprise in your relationship, it really helps. Bringing home flowers without an occasion, making a reservation at her favorite restaurant, or suggesting an out-of-the-ordinary activity really go a long way toward keeping your partnership interesting and vibrant.
Grow Together, Not Apart: One really effective way to keep your relationship strong is to have shared goals. Working with your partner on a project or plan for the future can bring you closer together by increasing your time together and sharing thoughts, dividing responsibilities and even by working out your areas of disagreement. Ideas may be as simple as joining a volunteer group together or as complicated as buying and restoring an old house in the city!
Maintain Healthy Outside Relationships: Difficulties with family and friends can really affect the health of your partnership. Stay on good terms with people who are important to your partner. Work out problems that exist. Let your partner know that you recognize the importance of her friends and family.
Sex And Intimacy: At all costs avoid "Lesbian Bed Death." Sex is an important part of your relationship. Sex is strongly related to intimacy, in that the hormone oxytocin is released during the sex act. That hormone is responsible for enhancing your feelings toward your partner and is essential for long-term bonding. Another powerful hormone, dopamine, is released when you perform strenuous physical exercise. Dopamine is also thought to be responsible for feelings of passionate love. So if things are getting a little slow in the bedroom, try taking your partner our dancing before your next sexual encounter!
Avoid The Green Dragon: Jealousy! Unfortunately, all too common in the lesbian community, jealousy can ruin a relationship. Jealousy occurs when there is a lack of trust between partners. If you feel you are being controlled by a jealous partner or that you are jealous, confront those feelings. Discuss with your partner why you are threatened in the relationship and move past it! Get professional help if you need it.
Compromise: You can't always have things your own way...and neither can your partner. Compromise involves keeping the relationship on even ground; keeping the balance between you. One strategy is to internally rate how important an issue is to you when you disagree with your spouse. If you silently rate the problem as a 1 or a 2, let it go. If you are rating the importance as a 9 or 10, then continue the dialog and work toward a solution you both can live with.
Stay Connected: Keep in touch with the lesbian/gay community. Unlike hetero couples, homosexuals have virtually no societal support. Having other LGBT friends, attending LGBT events and going to local clubs can really fend off the social isolation that many of us endure.
Maintain Good Health: Hey, nothing is sexier and more romantic than a clean, healthy body! Take care of yourself. Eat well, get plenty of sleep and exercise regularly.
Keeping a relationship healthy is definitely worth the effort it takes. Just consider how miserable you have been in past relationships that have gone bad. Then remember how wonderful this woman has made you feel. The trick is keeping on top of it and never, never taking your partner or the relationship for granted. If you set your relationship as your #1 priority, you have the best chance of a satisfying and happy future together!
Falling in love is wonderful, but it is really the easy part of any lesbian relationship. What takes work and commitment is keeping that relationship going even after the passion fades, which it most likely will over time. Most experts agree that passionate love has a life expectancy of 2 to 4 years. So compatibility and mutual respect become increasingly important as your partnership progresses. Here are some tips to help you along. Most are applicable to any relationship, but lesbians do have some specific concerns.
Communication, Communication, Communication: Don't let small fissures in your relationship turn into insurmountable canyons! Let your partner know what you are thinking about big and small things. If something is bothering you, speak up. Problems can't be solved unless you talk about it.
Make Time For Each Other: Life's demands will always get in the way. If you don't schedule "Us" time, it probably won't happen for you. Once a time is blocked off on the calendar, then both of you know to arrange other commitments around that time. For instance, you can block out Friday nights as time you dedicate to your relationship.
Keep It Fresh: You know how the saying goes, "Relationships take work." Well, that is true, but it doesn't always have to have a negative connotation. If you introduce an element of surprise in your relationship, it really helps. Bringing home flowers without an occasion, making a reservation at her favorite restaurant, or suggesting an out-of-the-ordinary activity really go a long way toward keeping your partnership interesting and vibrant.
Grow Together, Not Apart: One really effective way to keep your relationship strong is to have shared goals. Working with your partner on a project or plan for the future can bring you closer together by increasing your time together and sharing thoughts, dividing responsibilities and even by working out your areas of disagreement. Ideas may be as simple as joining a volunteer group together or as complicated as buying and restoring an old house in the city!
Maintain Healthy Outside Relationships: Difficulties with family and friends can really affect the health of your partnership. Stay on good terms with people who are important to your partner. Work out problems that exist. Let your partner know that you recognize the importance of her friends and family.
Sex And Intimacy: At all costs avoid "Lesbian Bed Death." Sex is an important part of your relationship. Sex is strongly related to intimacy, in that the hormone oxytocin is released during the sex act. That hormone is responsible for enhancing your feelings toward your partner and is essential for long-term bonding. Another powerful hormone, dopamine, is released when you perform strenuous physical exercise. Dopamine is also thought to be responsible for feelings of passionate love. So if things are getting a little slow in the bedroom, try taking your partner our dancing before your next sexual encounter!
Avoid The Green Dragon: Jealousy! Unfortunately, all too common in the lesbian community, jealousy can ruin a relationship. Jealousy occurs when there is a lack of trust between partners. If you feel you are being controlled by a jealous partner or that you are jealous, confront those feelings. Discuss with your partner why you are threatened in the relationship and move past it! Get professional help if you need it.
Compromise: You can't always have things your own way...and neither can your partner. Compromise involves keeping the relationship on even ground; keeping the balance between you. One strategy is to internally rate how important an issue is to you when you disagree with your spouse. If you silently rate the problem as a 1 or a 2, let it go. If you are rating the importance as a 9 or 10, then continue the dialog and work toward a solution you both can live with.
Stay Connected: Keep in touch with the lesbian/gay community. Unlike hetero couples, homosexuals have virtually no societal support. Having other LGBT friends, attending LGBT events and going to local clubs can really fend off the social isolation that many of us endure.
Maintain Good Health: Hey, nothing is sexier and more romantic than a clean, healthy body! Take care of yourself. Eat well, get plenty of sleep and exercise regularly.
Keeping a relationship healthy is definitely worth the effort it takes. Just consider how miserable you have been in past relationships that have gone bad. Then remember how wonderful this woman has made you feel. The trick is keeping on top of it and never, never taking your partner or the relationship for granted. If you set your relationship as your #1 priority, you have the best chance of a satisfying and happy future together!
TIPS for LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP: Long Distance Lesbian
By Kathy Belge
Whether you met her online and she lives a thousand miles away, or if you were in a relationship together and one of you had to move, maintaining a long distance lesbian relationship can be challenging. This article will offer you advice on how to keep the love alive in a long distance lesbian relationship.
The best way to ensure a long distance relationship is going to work is if you have a strong foundation to begin with. If you're both committed to making it work and understand the challenges inherent in a long distance relationship, you're well on your way. If your relationship is rocky to begin with, staying together while miles apart is going to be much harder.
Know the Rules
Before you enter a long distance relationship, it's best to spell out the rules around monogamy. Even if you were in a committed monogamous relationship when you lived in the same town, don't assume the same rules are going to apply. Even if the topic is uncomfortable, it's important that you bring it up and that both understand what you expect from the other.
Stay in Touch
With email, instant messaging and free long distance plans staying in touch is easier than ever. Take advantage of the technology and let her know she's often on your mind.
Know When it's Going to End
Most couples see the long-distance thing as a temporary condition. Eventually they want to be in a place where each can live together. Maybe you're apart while she's in school or in the military. Have a plan and discuss what is going to happen at the end of that commitment. If one of you has to move for a job, decide in advance how long you will live apart--one year, six months--compromise and come up with a solution that works for both of you.
If you don't have a definite plan, one of you may feel that the other has the control over your relationship.
Bi-National Couples
Bi-national couples are the exception here, of course. In the United States and other countries who do not have welcoming immigration laws for gays and lesbians maintaining a bi-national relationship is difficult. Even though you may not have a plan for when you can be together permanently, these other tips can help your relationship too.
Have your own interests
Being in a long distance relationship you are in a unique situation where you have a lot of freedom that other couples may not have. Sure, sometimes you may hate that you have so much, but make the most of it. Get involved in your life. Take part in activities that interest you, start your own business or take up a new hobby. The time you spend will not only help the days go by faster, it will enrich you as a person and make you a more interesting partner. If you're in a bi-national couple, throw yourself in the politics of changing immigration laws to be more gay-friendly.
Curb Jealousy
Jealousy usually doesn't do much for a partnership, and it's especially true for a long distance relationship. If you can't trust your partner, then this thing is not going to work. If you're always worrying about who she's with and if she's being faithful, you're not only going to drive yourself crazy, you're going to drive her away. If you can't get a handle on jealousy, either end the relationship, or seek help for yourself.
Be Accountable
Be trustworthy. If she says she's going to call at three, be there at three to get her call. If you normally talk everyday at the same time and you know you're going to be bowling one night, be sure to tell her so she's not inventing all kinds of stories in her head.
Have dates
Even if you can't see each other as often as you wish, take the time to have phone dates. Watch a TV show together or have phone sex. Share a bowl of ice cream on the web cam or read the same book. It's important to stay connected in any way you can.
Be Romantic
Send care packages, photos of the cat and sweet love text messages. Email is good, but hand written letters are better. Get creative and send her little things from your day: a napkin from your favorite deli, a jar of jam from the country market or t-shirt that you slept in. Make her a mixed CD or write her a poem. Any little thing to let her know you're thinking of her.
Be HonestWhen things get hard, talk about it. If you're having doubts, talk about it. Don't let the distance keep you from bringing up the hard stuff. You're in a relationship, your relationship is not "on hold." Deal with the issues as they come up or they will fester and get worse.
See Each Other
For goodness sake, make plans to see each other as often as you feasibly can. If you're two hours away, that might be every week or so. If you're thousands of miles away it may only be once or twice a year. There's nothing like being in the same room with the one you love, so make sure you put an effort into getting there.
Plan in advance who will travel where, how often you plan to see each other and how long the visits will be. Share the load. Don't make one person travel all the time, unless that is the way you BOTH want it.
The Four Basics
Like any relationship, the keys are communication, trust, respect and love. Keep all of these alive and your long distance love has a strong chance of surviving.
Whether you met her online and she lives a thousand miles away, or if you were in a relationship together and one of you had to move, maintaining a long distance lesbian relationship can be challenging. This article will offer you advice on how to keep the love alive in a long distance lesbian relationship.
The best way to ensure a long distance relationship is going to work is if you have a strong foundation to begin with. If you're both committed to making it work and understand the challenges inherent in a long distance relationship, you're well on your way. If your relationship is rocky to begin with, staying together while miles apart is going to be much harder.
Know the Rules
Before you enter a long distance relationship, it's best to spell out the rules around monogamy. Even if you were in a committed monogamous relationship when you lived in the same town, don't assume the same rules are going to apply. Even if the topic is uncomfortable, it's important that you bring it up and that both understand what you expect from the other.
Stay in Touch
With email, instant messaging and free long distance plans staying in touch is easier than ever. Take advantage of the technology and let her know she's often on your mind.
Know When it's Going to End
Most couples see the long-distance thing as a temporary condition. Eventually they want to be in a place where each can live together. Maybe you're apart while she's in school or in the military. Have a plan and discuss what is going to happen at the end of that commitment. If one of you has to move for a job, decide in advance how long you will live apart--one year, six months--compromise and come up with a solution that works for both of you.
If you don't have a definite plan, one of you may feel that the other has the control over your relationship.
Bi-National Couples
Bi-national couples are the exception here, of course. In the United States and other countries who do not have welcoming immigration laws for gays and lesbians maintaining a bi-national relationship is difficult. Even though you may not have a plan for when you can be together permanently, these other tips can help your relationship too.
Have your own interests
Being in a long distance relationship you are in a unique situation where you have a lot of freedom that other couples may not have. Sure, sometimes you may hate that you have so much, but make the most of it. Get involved in your life. Take part in activities that interest you, start your own business or take up a new hobby. The time you spend will not only help the days go by faster, it will enrich you as a person and make you a more interesting partner. If you're in a bi-national couple, throw yourself in the politics of changing immigration laws to be more gay-friendly.
Curb Jealousy
Jealousy usually doesn't do much for a partnership, and it's especially true for a long distance relationship. If you can't trust your partner, then this thing is not going to work. If you're always worrying about who she's with and if she's being faithful, you're not only going to drive yourself crazy, you're going to drive her away. If you can't get a handle on jealousy, either end the relationship, or seek help for yourself.
Be Accountable
Be trustworthy. If she says she's going to call at three, be there at three to get her call. If you normally talk everyday at the same time and you know you're going to be bowling one night, be sure to tell her so she's not inventing all kinds of stories in her head.
Have dates
Even if you can't see each other as often as you wish, take the time to have phone dates. Watch a TV show together or have phone sex. Share a bowl of ice cream on the web cam or read the same book. It's important to stay connected in any way you can.
Be Romantic
Send care packages, photos of the cat and sweet love text messages. Email is good, but hand written letters are better. Get creative and send her little things from your day: a napkin from your favorite deli, a jar of jam from the country market or t-shirt that you slept in. Make her a mixed CD or write her a poem. Any little thing to let her know you're thinking of her.
Be HonestWhen things get hard, talk about it. If you're having doubts, talk about it. Don't let the distance keep you from bringing up the hard stuff. You're in a relationship, your relationship is not "on hold." Deal with the issues as they come up or they will fester and get worse.
See Each Other
For goodness sake, make plans to see each other as often as you feasibly can. If you're two hours away, that might be every week or so. If you're thousands of miles away it may only be once or twice a year. There's nothing like being in the same room with the one you love, so make sure you put an effort into getting there.
Plan in advance who will travel where, how often you plan to see each other and how long the visits will be. Share the load. Don't make one person travel all the time, unless that is the way you BOTH want it.
The Four Basics
Like any relationship, the keys are communication, trust, respect and love. Keep all of these alive and your long distance love has a strong chance of surviving.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Roshena Grace
The day you came into our life
You brightened up everything
Child's laughter echoed
In the four corners of our home
And our life started to have direction
You taught us what life is
And filled our hearts with love
You are the little angel
That bound mom and dad together.
I love your little eyes that twinkle
Every time you creep under the tree
And peep inside the socks
That Santa filled while you're asleep
And all I hear is "yeeheey" out you cried
Sitting at the stairs at night
When the moon and the stars are so bright
Watching over the two of us together
Counting and making dreams from afar.
And then you came running into my arms
With tears in your eyes
I can't describe the pain in my heart
Seeing you from the start
How can I explain to you that is your life
Without tears flowing from my eyes.
Because your tears is my pain
Your smile is my joy
Your success is my pride
That's the reason why we strive.
How time flies
Faster than the cloud in the skies
A very beautiful lady that's what you are
That everybody admires.
Changes goes with time
A separate world between yours and mine
It started to panic this feeling inside
Afraid soon that you might fly.
Silently at night I pray
That longer in our side you'll stay
'Coz you're one and only baby
That dad and I loved so dearly.
You brightened up everything
Child's laughter echoed
In the four corners of our home
And our life started to have direction
You taught us what life is
And filled our hearts with love
You are the little angel
That bound mom and dad together.
I love your little eyes that twinkle
Every time you creep under the tree
And peep inside the socks
That Santa filled while you're asleep
And all I hear is "yeeheey" out you cried
Sitting at the stairs at night
When the moon and the stars are so bright
Watching over the two of us together
Counting and making dreams from afar.
And then you came running into my arms
With tears in your eyes
I can't describe the pain in my heart
Seeing you from the start
How can I explain to you that is your life
Without tears flowing from my eyes.
Because your tears is my pain
Your smile is my joy
Your success is my pride
That's the reason why we strive.
How time flies
Faster than the cloud in the skies
A very beautiful lady that's what you are
That everybody admires.
Changes goes with time
A separate world between yours and mine
It started to panic this feeling inside
Afraid soon that you might fly.
Silently at night I pray
That longer in our side you'll stay
'Coz you're one and only baby
That dad and I loved so dearly.
--- by: ellaziur
Patience in Gay Relationships
Building gay relationships takes patience, which unfortunately is not easy to learn in life. It's known that gay relationships mature at a faster rate, even more than those relationships between straight couples. Nonetheless, one thing common between heterosexual and homosexual relationships is the time it takes to find the right partner.
Don't just jump into the love pool once you spot a hot guy at the gym, or you meet some cutie on the Net, or you find your blind date a hottie. Take your time getting to know him more. Never ever panic if he doesn't call you on a daily basis or if you two aren't spending much time together after a week of romance. If you guys hit it off, chances are he is into you as much as you are into him, but any potential relationship would be much better off if you take things slow.
If you wish not to rush your relationship, it is best to have a sense on how your partner wants his relationship to be handled. He may suddenly become too clingy after that one moment together, then try to tell him to set a certain schedule on when you two should be together. It's not because you are trying to avoid the opportunity of spending more time with him, but rather because you would want to keep that relationship burning as both of your hearts grow fonder on each absence.
There would also be some situations when your guy would suddenly become unusually silent after you spend the night together. Try talking to him to spark a conversation. Any topic will do, as long as you don't ask him why he is not giving you the attention that he used to give since you are probably not the reason for it. Try giving him subtle physical contacts like stroking his hair or an intimate arm lock. If he remains cold, ask him what his problem is. In case he says that he's ironically fine, then just leave it at that. Maybe he would share it to you one of these days.
Spending activities together should be balanced during this early phase. Make sure that you have your “alone time” and your “together time” in check. Your activities together vary according to each other's lifestyles. You may probably share a fave activity like roller blading, or you could even learn each other's unique hobbies. For instance, play some video games with him while you teach him how to tap dance.
Ways to Approach a Gay Guy
Like in a heterosexual set-up, trying to approach a gay guy and ask him for a date seems like a really calculated routine. It would often start when you spot a hot guy by himself minding his business and you begin to scope him out. You casually go near him and pretend to do your own thing, and out of nowhere you strike a conversation with him. There would be some rejections, but there would be those magic moments when you begin to introduce one another and eventually go out on a date.
More often than not, gay men would rather wait to be approached. However, doing so would lessen the chance for you to find great guys. Here are some useful tips that are helpful in your mission to become a dating magnet.
Meet more people – Get out of your house! There are different opportunities for gay love in every city, if you are aware of your surroundings, and these are not only confined in bars. Keep your eyes open for flirtatious looks, comments, or gestures, at book shops, laundry mat, or even in a grocery store. Almost every place is a great venue for dating prospects.
Seize the opportunity – Once you have locked your target, look for an opportunity to approach him and seize it. In most cases—especially if he is alone—the guy would do or say something that gives you the chance to strike up a conversation. You can also try to get his attention and let him start a dialogue.
Keep the dialogue going – Most of the time, gays don't fail in approaching other men; it is during the conversation phase that would cause the fallout. Keep the conversation going and flowing by talking and letting him speak. Make a comment or a joke that would make him laugh or at least smile. Don't lose the opportunity. Check his reactions if he is also interested in you. If he seems that he is not, then shrug it off and look for other guys.
Close the deal – Now the moment of truth: Ask him for his phone number or go out for a cup of coffee. If you feel comfortable to him, give him your number also. Let him know that you are interested in knowing him more. However, remember to call a few days after meeting.
More often than not, gay men would rather wait to be approached. However, doing so would lessen the chance for you to find great guys. Here are some useful tips that are helpful in your mission to become a dating magnet.
Meet more people – Get out of your house! There are different opportunities for gay love in every city, if you are aware of your surroundings, and these are not only confined in bars. Keep your eyes open for flirtatious looks, comments, or gestures, at book shops, laundry mat, or even in a grocery store. Almost every place is a great venue for dating prospects.
Seize the opportunity – Once you have locked your target, look for an opportunity to approach him and seize it. In most cases—especially if he is alone—the guy would do or say something that gives you the chance to strike up a conversation. You can also try to get his attention and let him start a dialogue.
Keep the dialogue going – Most of the time, gays don't fail in approaching other men; it is during the conversation phase that would cause the fallout. Keep the conversation going and flowing by talking and letting him speak. Make a comment or a joke that would make him laugh or at least smile. Don't lose the opportunity. Check his reactions if he is also interested in you. If he seems that he is not, then shrug it off and look for other guys.
Close the deal – Now the moment of truth: Ask him for his phone number or go out for a cup of coffee. If you feel comfortable to him, give him your number also. Let him know that you are interested in knowing him more. However, remember to call a few days after meeting.
Is Your Guy Ready for a Long-Term Relationship?
Finding a partner is a fulfillment in a gay mans life. However, how would you be at ease if your partner has been sending mixed signals in regards to what he wants in your relationship. Is he planning to be with you on a long-term basis, or would he would rather keep the relationship brief and sweet?
It is difficult to determine where things would develop after only a few dates. Even if there is a connection, both partners are still blinded that their fascination on each other that it can quickly turn into moments of rage. Although we hope that it won't happen, only time will tell.
Take time and get to know your new prospect and the relationship develop on its own. Do not over-analyze the signals, either. You are still feeling for each other out so the signals may not be exactly what you think they are.
Show through your actions that you are very much willing to make him your man. You will know when it is the right time to talk about a LTR (sometimes, this is not even discussed but it just happens naturally). In the meantime, enjoy spending time with a guy you really like.
It is difficult to determine where things would develop after only a few dates. Even if there is a connection, both partners are still blinded that their fascination on each other that it can quickly turn into moments of rage. Although we hope that it won't happen, only time will tell.
Take time and get to know your new prospect and the relationship develop on its own. Do not over-analyze the signals, either. You are still feeling for each other out so the signals may not be exactly what you think they are.
Show through your actions that you are very much willing to make him your man. You will know when it is the right time to talk about a LTR (sometimes, this is not even discussed but it just happens naturally). In the meantime, enjoy spending time with a guy you really like.
How to be a Partner, Not a Sex Buddy
You have found the guy that you dream about. A few drinks, a few laughs, a few caresses, a few kisses. One thing would lead to another and all the while you thought you and him are together forever.
Then you realize the next morning he leaves without even hugging you. He may still open his communication with you, and may claim that he still cares for you, but you notice that he is extremely cold towards you.
You got hit with a bitter reality: you fell for a guy who does not commit. Meanwhile, you have become a mere sex buddy to him.
Guys like him release emotion at their own pace and no other. Pouring your heart out will only be seen as a sign of commitment, which is their biggest fear. Hopeless romantics like yourself who often think about the future often fall victim to their charms. The sex buddy has no concept of the past or future; what's important is the present.
His frame of mind believes that anything beyond hanging out—like getting close, sharing non-sexual activities together—would only destroy relationships. After all, what you have been doing together seems okay, so why would you have to mess it up by bringing all that commitment stuff into the picture?
Although it is best to find another guy who is just as committal as you, you may want to take a chance and test if he would do anything to gain your affection. Try to do the art of reciprocation (or in other words, playing hard-to-get). It is most effective for sex buddies who like to be in control of the emotional board. It may be difficult at first because you have to hold back your biggest asset—your emotions. However, the rewards can be great.
Ask your sister of a female friend to teach you a few techniques, since they've been doing this a lot of times with men. If he gives you little emotion, give him an equal amount of emotion as well. If he pulls back, pull back as well. If one day he wants to meet you, tell him you are busy and try to check his reaction if he'll make an effort to try and see you. Keep some distance, but not as far as he would to you, until you have trained him to give a little more. To these guys, your emotional words mean little, but your actions matter. You may even subtly mention that your relationship is not one-sided. If he wants some, then he has to give some.
Some gay men are hesitant to put their partners on the same pedestal emotional as they do sexually. Try giving him a taste of his own medicine if you want to snag him. If everything else fails, don't just drop him off. Sit him down and let him know that you need more emotionally.
You are probably destined to find a guy who is willing wear his heart on the sleeve, just like you do.
Then you realize the next morning he leaves without even hugging you. He may still open his communication with you, and may claim that he still cares for you, but you notice that he is extremely cold towards you.
You got hit with a bitter reality: you fell for a guy who does not commit. Meanwhile, you have become a mere sex buddy to him.
Guys like him release emotion at their own pace and no other. Pouring your heart out will only be seen as a sign of commitment, which is their biggest fear. Hopeless romantics like yourself who often think about the future often fall victim to their charms. The sex buddy has no concept of the past or future; what's important is the present.
His frame of mind believes that anything beyond hanging out—like getting close, sharing non-sexual activities together—would only destroy relationships. After all, what you have been doing together seems okay, so why would you have to mess it up by bringing all that commitment stuff into the picture?
Although it is best to find another guy who is just as committal as you, you may want to take a chance and test if he would do anything to gain your affection. Try to do the art of reciprocation (or in other words, playing hard-to-get). It is most effective for sex buddies who like to be in control of the emotional board. It may be difficult at first because you have to hold back your biggest asset—your emotions. However, the rewards can be great.
Ask your sister of a female friend to teach you a few techniques, since they've been doing this a lot of times with men. If he gives you little emotion, give him an equal amount of emotion as well. If he pulls back, pull back as well. If one day he wants to meet you, tell him you are busy and try to check his reaction if he'll make an effort to try and see you. Keep some distance, but not as far as he would to you, until you have trained him to give a little more. To these guys, your emotional words mean little, but your actions matter. You may even subtly mention that your relationship is not one-sided. If he wants some, then he has to give some.
Some gay men are hesitant to put their partners on the same pedestal emotional as they do sexually. Try giving him a taste of his own medicine if you want to snag him. If everything else fails, don't just drop him off. Sit him down and let him know that you need more emotionally.
You are probably destined to find a guy who is willing wear his heart on the sleeve, just like you do.
Art of Gay Kissing
Tips about kissing can be found on almost everywhere from magazines to the Internet, but chances are you won't apply those tips in a gay or lesbian setting. It's best that you know these guidelines on how to steal that kiss and make it worthwhile.
Touch gently – Kissing doesn't necessarily begin with a lunge. It starts with a light, playful touching that you have been giving him. We do not advise of suddenly grabbing the crotch, but get him comfortable with your touch by caressing his sleeve or flicking an imaginary lint off his collar, or you could try to be bold by holding his forearm. Get your friend really relaxed with your touch before you prepare yourself of kissing him.
Make sure the feeling is mutual – Do not kiss another guy if you are unsure that he wants to kiss you as well. Try creating a mutual interest by flirting with him or by providing a fun atmosphere when talking to him. Watch out for indications that he is interested in you like when touching you back, responding to your jokes positively, letting his eyes catch yours, or when he doesn't shy away from sex talk and gives out his own double entendres.
Take him to a “kissing zone” – New-found lovers tend to kiss each other in public, but don't try putting your date on the spot. When both of you are in a bar, for instance, bring your date to a semi-private corner away from the prying eyes and never in your bedroom or hotel room. That special “kissing zone” could be a dark corner, a quiet hallway, or a bench outside the club. Don't be frank about telling him that you want to take him away to kiss each other, instead provide a plausible reason like the place being hot and you wanted you go outside with him to catch some fresh air.
Let the tension build – Once you bring your mate to the kissing spot, continue developing attraction to him with further flirting, teasing, and touching. Do not go for the kiss right away, but let him know subtly that you want to kiss him. One good advise is that you perform a “triangular gaze,” first by looking into his eyes, staring down to his lips, then going back to his eyes. Then try touching him gently on the lips or caress along his jawline. You could even try being frank by asking him if he wants to be kissed, but try not to be aggressive when asking. If he reacts positively, then slowly lean towards him, close your eyes, and just let your lips do the action.
Touch gently – Kissing doesn't necessarily begin with a lunge. It starts with a light, playful touching that you have been giving him. We do not advise of suddenly grabbing the crotch, but get him comfortable with your touch by caressing his sleeve or flicking an imaginary lint off his collar, or you could try to be bold by holding his forearm. Get your friend really relaxed with your touch before you prepare yourself of kissing him.
Make sure the feeling is mutual – Do not kiss another guy if you are unsure that he wants to kiss you as well. Try creating a mutual interest by flirting with him or by providing a fun atmosphere when talking to him. Watch out for indications that he is interested in you like when touching you back, responding to your jokes positively, letting his eyes catch yours, or when he doesn't shy away from sex talk and gives out his own double entendres.
Take him to a “kissing zone” – New-found lovers tend to kiss each other in public, but don't try putting your date on the spot. When both of you are in a bar, for instance, bring your date to a semi-private corner away from the prying eyes and never in your bedroom or hotel room. That special “kissing zone” could be a dark corner, a quiet hallway, or a bench outside the club. Don't be frank about telling him that you want to take him away to kiss each other, instead provide a plausible reason like the place being hot and you wanted you go outside with him to catch some fresh air.
Let the tension build – Once you bring your mate to the kissing spot, continue developing attraction to him with further flirting, teasing, and touching. Do not go for the kiss right away, but let him know subtly that you want to kiss him. One good advise is that you perform a “triangular gaze,” first by looking into his eyes, staring down to his lips, then going back to his eyes. Then try touching him gently on the lips or caress along his jawline. You could even try being frank by asking him if he wants to be kissed, but try not to be aggressive when asking. If he reacts positively, then slowly lean towards him, close your eyes, and just let your lips do the action.
Five Great Ways to Find Gay Men
Gay men have a harder time looking for dates because most of the time, most gay guys are shy and afraid of rejection. And it is sometimes frustrating to realize that finding the right guy is not like falling in love at the sight of your UPS man. However, there are venues where Mr. Right would just come your way.
Online Dating – Whether you are chatting or browsing through hundreds of personal ads, it is important to whether the seekers are searching for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now. When putting up your online profile, make sure that you state what type of man you are looking for and under what circumstances you are willing to meet. Don't forget to post your pic with it!
Newspaper Ads – You may not know it, but newspapers (either the syndicated ones or even your local papers) and some gay magazines have a lot of personal ads of men seeking other men. You would usually find men in search for special types of sex like BSDM, but there are those select few ads about the hopeless romantics looking for long-lasting love. If you respond to an ad, make sure to take your time getting to know the person before meeting him personally.
Referrals – Your friends, co-workers, and even your family members, are your best allies when searching for that perfect pair. They may arrange a blind date or introduce you to a guy whom they think you would bond greatly. If you feel that you don't gel with the referral, there is a huge possibility that he has other gay friends. Befriend him and get to know them. Expanding your social network takes away your shyness and at the same time searches for many romantic possibilities.
Dance Clubs or Lounges – You don't have to be a party animal to be in the club. Remember that dance clubs or lounges are a great venue for all types of gay men. There are some who would go there every week to dance and have fun, while there are others who went there to look for potential mates, just like you would. If you feel uncomfortable with what's going on in the gay club, then try going in a “heterosexual” club with your girlfriends. At least other gay guys there would be easier to spot.
Everyday Life – You can find love even in the simplest visits to your local record store or bookstore. You would run around doing your errands and suddenly you see someone that catches your attention. How you would approach them is totally up to you. At least, this is better than spending the whole day in the house alone.
Online Dating – Whether you are chatting or browsing through hundreds of personal ads, it is important to whether the seekers are searching for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now. When putting up your online profile, make sure that you state what type of man you are looking for and under what circumstances you are willing to meet. Don't forget to post your pic with it!
Newspaper Ads – You may not know it, but newspapers (either the syndicated ones or even your local papers) and some gay magazines have a lot of personal ads of men seeking other men. You would usually find men in search for special types of sex like BSDM, but there are those select few ads about the hopeless romantics looking for long-lasting love. If you respond to an ad, make sure to take your time getting to know the person before meeting him personally.
Referrals – Your friends, co-workers, and even your family members, are your best allies when searching for that perfect pair. They may arrange a blind date or introduce you to a guy whom they think you would bond greatly. If you feel that you don't gel with the referral, there is a huge possibility that he has other gay friends. Befriend him and get to know them. Expanding your social network takes away your shyness and at the same time searches for many romantic possibilities.
Dance Clubs or Lounges – You don't have to be a party animal to be in the club. Remember that dance clubs or lounges are a great venue for all types of gay men. There are some who would go there every week to dance and have fun, while there are others who went there to look for potential mates, just like you would. If you feel uncomfortable with what's going on in the gay club, then try going in a “heterosexual” club with your girlfriends. At least other gay guys there would be easier to spot.
Everyday Life – You can find love even in the simplest visits to your local record store or bookstore. You would run around doing your errands and suddenly you see someone that catches your attention. How you would approach them is totally up to you. At least, this is better than spending the whole day in the house alone.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
DATING TIPS: Calling After the First Date
Dates tend to have two different endings: either you don't want to see him or her again, or you look forward to see your date as soon as possible. If your date ends with the latter scenario, then try asking for his or her phone number. Take your date home (if you're a woman, let him hitch a cab for you) and seal the night with a friendly kiss.
But what happens the days after the date? When should you call your new-found friend for another round of dating? Here are some great dating tips that you should follow.
Send a thank you message right after the date – Although calling your date right after you went out together to say thanks is a more personal approach, others consider this as too eager and sometimes puts them off. Instead, try send a text message (or e-mail, if you have the address) at this early stage. Remember to keep it short and sweet.
Guys should wait for two days before calling your date again – Timing is crucial here. Calling too soon and you would give an impression that you are overly keen; too late, however, and your date might think that you are insincere or merely playing games. Once you get to talk to your date, tell her that you had a wonderful time the last you were together, then leave the option open for another date to follow. Women should wait for the guy to call back on this stage.
Do not chat for too long on your first call – Do not appear too needy by talking to your date over the phone for hours. Keep the chat short and simple. After all, you would have a lot of time telephoning with your date after your second or third date.
Know what you are going to say – Do not let your nerves overpower you when talking to your date. If you have to, try practicing what you are going to say beforehand.
Smile while talking – Even if your date doesn't see you, she would definitely appreciate if you are talking with a happy grin as it would come across the phone line. You could try seeing the difference between talking with or without a smile.
Too much answering machine messages is not a good sign – If you are getting repeated messages from your date's answering machine, chances are the feelings between each other are not mutual.
If this happens, try leaving your message—together with your phone number—only once. Your date would call she is likewise interested.
Too much calls from your date is not a good sign either – It displays an impression that your date is clinging too much. Being needy is unattractive as it shows signs of insecurity. Remember that dating on its initial stages should be relaxed and casual.
Avoid text messaging your date as much as possible – Sending messages through your mobile phone are fun and convenient, but is easily misinterpreted (especially with all the innovative jargon associated with texting).
Never wait by the phone – Do not stay home and anticipate whether or not your date would call back. You have your own life to enjoy. If someone is going to call you, they will. At the same time, do not leave messages if ever your date doesn't call. Just keep on living your busy life and give dating another try.
Excuses are rarely true – Your date might not have called because he or she is away on a business trip, for instance. However, excuses are not true all the time. If someone wants to reach you by the phone, they would have gone through hell or high water just to do so. If you hear an excuse such as “I tried to call you, but...”, then it is time to move on to another date.
Keep your expectations realistically low – Pleasant surprises are far better than defeated expectations. If the phone rings, let them leave a message and respond as soon as you are ready to call back.
Keep your promises to call back – If you said you call, do so, even if it is to let them down gently. Expecting a call that never comes is a worst thing that you can do to someone as it wastes their time and hurts them emotionally.
But what happens the days after the date? When should you call your new-found friend for another round of dating? Here are some great dating tips that you should follow.
Send a thank you message right after the date – Although calling your date right after you went out together to say thanks is a more personal approach, others consider this as too eager and sometimes puts them off. Instead, try send a text message (or e-mail, if you have the address) at this early stage. Remember to keep it short and sweet.
Guys should wait for two days before calling your date again – Timing is crucial here. Calling too soon and you would give an impression that you are overly keen; too late, however, and your date might think that you are insincere or merely playing games. Once you get to talk to your date, tell her that you had a wonderful time the last you were together, then leave the option open for another date to follow. Women should wait for the guy to call back on this stage.
Do not chat for too long on your first call – Do not appear too needy by talking to your date over the phone for hours. Keep the chat short and simple. After all, you would have a lot of time telephoning with your date after your second or third date.
Know what you are going to say – Do not let your nerves overpower you when talking to your date. If you have to, try practicing what you are going to say beforehand.
Smile while talking – Even if your date doesn't see you, she would definitely appreciate if you are talking with a happy grin as it would come across the phone line. You could try seeing the difference between talking with or without a smile.
Too much answering machine messages is not a good sign – If you are getting repeated messages from your date's answering machine, chances are the feelings between each other are not mutual.
If this happens, try leaving your message—together with your phone number—only once. Your date would call she is likewise interested.
Too much calls from your date is not a good sign either – It displays an impression that your date is clinging too much. Being needy is unattractive as it shows signs of insecurity. Remember that dating on its initial stages should be relaxed and casual.
Avoid text messaging your date as much as possible – Sending messages through your mobile phone are fun and convenient, but is easily misinterpreted (especially with all the innovative jargon associated with texting).
Never wait by the phone – Do not stay home and anticipate whether or not your date would call back. You have your own life to enjoy. If someone is going to call you, they will. At the same time, do not leave messages if ever your date doesn't call. Just keep on living your busy life and give dating another try.
Excuses are rarely true – Your date might not have called because he or she is away on a business trip, for instance. However, excuses are not true all the time. If someone wants to reach you by the phone, they would have gone through hell or high water just to do so. If you hear an excuse such as “I tried to call you, but...”, then it is time to move on to another date.
Keep your expectations realistically low – Pleasant surprises are far better than defeated expectations. If the phone rings, let them leave a message and respond as soon as you are ready to call back.
Keep your promises to call back – If you said you call, do so, even if it is to let them down gently. Expecting a call that never comes is a worst thing that you can do to someone as it wastes their time and hurts them emotionally.
DATING TIPS: Things You Should Do on a First Date
If you get yourself a first date—especially from someone you knew before—the first thing that you should consider is how to make it so good that your date would want to see you on a second date. However, it doesn't take too much stress to prepare about it. Remember that a date is all about knowing the other person better and treating him or her with respect. Check out our list to see what you should consider.
Choose the right outfit – Wearing provocative or inappropriate clothing risk making the wrong impression. Although your date may be familiar to you, your revealing or flashy dress could mean that you are trying too hard to impress him or her. Wear clothes that are appropriate to the venue, and at the same time your date would be familiar with.
Do not wear too much perfume – Just because you still couldn't smell the perfume from your body doesn't mean that you don't have enough of it. Apply the perfume on your pulse points such as behind the ears and on the wrists, and you're ready to go.
Consider to meet at a public place – Even if you are dating someone you know, it is best to meet him or her at a public place such as a park or a restaurant. A public place provides safety and security.
Prepare a plan – If you are familiar with your date, you should have an idea of his or hers likes and dislikes. Create a list of activities that you and your date would both love to do. Why reserve a table at an expensive restaurant if you date prefers to have a picnic by the park? Also, don't forget about your date's eating habits and allergies, or previous injuries when considering a physical activity such as football passing.
Men should still practice chivalry – We may be living in a new century, but men should still take care of women. He should open doors for women, pull the chairs for her, and letting her order first. When playing sports with your woman, make sure to be gentle—and also let her win.
Listen – Ask question and show (not pretend) that you are interested to what your date is saying. The reason why you should not pretend to be listening because your date might end up talking more about him or her rather than making it a stimulating conversation. Among those topics that are great in date conversations are work, hobbies, books, music, movies, and sports.
Do not talk or ask about politics, religion, and especially former relationships.
Look at them in the eyes – Eye contact spells out your interest and attention towards your date.
Have fun – Remember that the date should be fun. Bring laughter into the conversation by bringing out your sense of humor through jokes. Make every activity light and happy. However, if you see that your date isn't laughing at your jokes, don't tell another one.
Choose the right outfit – Wearing provocative or inappropriate clothing risk making the wrong impression. Although your date may be familiar to you, your revealing or flashy dress could mean that you are trying too hard to impress him or her. Wear clothes that are appropriate to the venue, and at the same time your date would be familiar with.
Do not wear too much perfume – Just because you still couldn't smell the perfume from your body doesn't mean that you don't have enough of it. Apply the perfume on your pulse points such as behind the ears and on the wrists, and you're ready to go.
Consider to meet at a public place – Even if you are dating someone you know, it is best to meet him or her at a public place such as a park or a restaurant. A public place provides safety and security.
Prepare a plan – If you are familiar with your date, you should have an idea of his or hers likes and dislikes. Create a list of activities that you and your date would both love to do. Why reserve a table at an expensive restaurant if you date prefers to have a picnic by the park? Also, don't forget about your date's eating habits and allergies, or previous injuries when considering a physical activity such as football passing.
Men should still practice chivalry – We may be living in a new century, but men should still take care of women. He should open doors for women, pull the chairs for her, and letting her order first. When playing sports with your woman, make sure to be gentle—and also let her win.
Listen – Ask question and show (not pretend) that you are interested to what your date is saying. The reason why you should not pretend to be listening because your date might end up talking more about him or her rather than making it a stimulating conversation. Among those topics that are great in date conversations are work, hobbies, books, music, movies, and sports.
Do not talk or ask about politics, religion, and especially former relationships.
Look at them in the eyes – Eye contact spells out your interest and attention towards your date.
Have fun – Remember that the date should be fun. Bring laughter into the conversation by bringing out your sense of humor through jokes. Make every activity light and happy. However, if you see that your date isn't laughing at your jokes, don't tell another one.
DATING TIPS: Overcoming Shyness
It is often very stressful to date or even try to date when you are shy. However, being shy is basically being afraid of rejection. You can transform yourself from the shy type to the confident person that you should be. The more confident you look, the better response you would get from people.
Stand straight – When standing, pull your stomach muscles in. Your spine would naturally align and your back is straightened. An erect stand is a sigh a confidence. Practice doing this in front of a mirror until it starts to look natural.
Do not cross your arms – The way your body poses tells something about yourself. Crossing your arms while sitting or listening to another person is a sign that you are defensive and shy.
This can be stand-offish at times. Learn to avoid this mannerism to give your confidence a boost.
Make eye contact – When meeting people, it is best to look straight at them, focusing on the eyes and face. This does not mean that you are supposed to stare at their eyes, which can look frightening. Keep in mind to make your eyes “smile” by keeping a positive attitude when talking to other people.
Make the first move – Stand close enough to the other person to strike up a conversation. Catch their eye and smile briefly. If they smile back and make a direct eye contact, they are open to talking. Striking up a conversation first may be difficult at first, but would get used to it once more people talk to you and slowly building up your confidence.
Make yourself safe to talk to – When you meet someone you are interested in, be curious about this person. Ask open-ended questions (those that does not end on a yes-or-no answers) and create conversations out of mutual interests to keep the talk going.
Give a compliment – If you do not know how to start a conversation, a compliment is always acceptable. Make a truthful and personal compliment at the other person. However, steer clear from the obvious body parts and instead hone in on detail. Say something that make the other person proud, such as his or her laugh, positive attitude, or confidence among others.
Watch other people's reactions – You can tell if the other person is interested to you by the way he or she reacts towards you. If the person is happy to continue chatting with you, their smile would get wider, they would move closer and lean towards you. If they don't instantly drip with enthusiasm, don't worry because other people get nervous too.
Ask people out one after the other – A brief coffee or lunch usually works best for a first date. Start by chatting the the new person about the activity you are both participating in and then casually ask if the person would like to get together some other time.
Stand straight – When standing, pull your stomach muscles in. Your spine would naturally align and your back is straightened. An erect stand is a sigh a confidence. Practice doing this in front of a mirror until it starts to look natural.
Do not cross your arms – The way your body poses tells something about yourself. Crossing your arms while sitting or listening to another person is a sign that you are defensive and shy.
This can be stand-offish at times. Learn to avoid this mannerism to give your confidence a boost.
Make eye contact – When meeting people, it is best to look straight at them, focusing on the eyes and face. This does not mean that you are supposed to stare at their eyes, which can look frightening. Keep in mind to make your eyes “smile” by keeping a positive attitude when talking to other people.
Make the first move – Stand close enough to the other person to strike up a conversation. Catch their eye and smile briefly. If they smile back and make a direct eye contact, they are open to talking. Striking up a conversation first may be difficult at first, but would get used to it once more people talk to you and slowly building up your confidence.
Make yourself safe to talk to – When you meet someone you are interested in, be curious about this person. Ask open-ended questions (those that does not end on a yes-or-no answers) and create conversations out of mutual interests to keep the talk going.
Give a compliment – If you do not know how to start a conversation, a compliment is always acceptable. Make a truthful and personal compliment at the other person. However, steer clear from the obvious body parts and instead hone in on detail. Say something that make the other person proud, such as his or her laugh, positive attitude, or confidence among others.
Watch other people's reactions – You can tell if the other person is interested to you by the way he or she reacts towards you. If the person is happy to continue chatting with you, their smile would get wider, they would move closer and lean towards you. If they don't instantly drip with enthusiasm, don't worry because other people get nervous too.
Ask people out one after the other – A brief coffee or lunch usually works best for a first date. Start by chatting the the new person about the activity you are both participating in and then casually ask if the person would like to get together some other time.
Don't be Obvious to Catch Him & Keep Hm-- by: christian carter
This article: What is the key to not being "obvious" and still “Catching That Man”? Intellectual attraction.
We all know about the “obvious” woman and how she can easily attract any man.
Show a lot of cleavage.
Be forthcoming in physical contact when meeting men, long touches on his arm and leg. Close talking that allows her breath to cross his face.And, quite simply, just being “easy”. Hooking up.
That’s how the obvious woman attracts men.
Of course the trouble with these encounters is that, for the most part, they are shallow, short-lived and empty.
I remember reading about a survey how blondes attract more men than brunettes. You know the old saying “Blondes have more fun”. It’s true if you think that attracting men strictly through physical attraction is the way to go. Men, the survey surmised, prize blondes. The general male feelings toward brunettes is that they are not “trophies” but family oriented women. Brunettes were understood to be more dependable, more geared towards marriage, more the “settle down” type.
Blondes were the height of the excitement factor, bringing out the caveman, the instinctive man, and the reactive man towards ownership of a woman.
Blondes were the “obvious” catch for a man.
And as a side survey the blondes were asked how they were treated in their relationships and they reported that they were indeed treated as if the man they were with owned them.Men reacted towards blondes with purely physical attraction traits and the dating cycle was short-lived, often sexual in nature earlier that brunettes.
The brunettes reported that they had a harder time to get initial dates but their relationships lasted longer, were more intellectual and more forward-looking. Men generally had a longer term picture of relationships with brunettes.
We can surmise from these surveys that indeed, blondes have more fun and more initial dates, but brunettes catch “The Man” more often and have more stable relationships.
Now if you are blonde I’m not suggesting you change your hair color to attract a “settling down” type of man.
And should you be brunette (or redhead) I’m not saying for you to dye your hair blonde to get more dates.
The part of female/male initial attraction qualities overlooked the sexual responses in a man that obvious women put out.
Catching a man is easy if you use your physical traits as a lure. But the problem is that you catch a guy that is interested in a purely physical relationship. A hookup. And no strings attached.
So, what is the key to not being obvious and still “Catching That Man”?
Intellectual attraction.
This “Intellectual Attraction” is when a man can see you as an equal, as a woman with compatibility towards his interests and his acceptance of yours. This is not the guy that can’t look up past your chest as you talk to him.This is the man that can open up to you as an equal, can accept that you have ideas of your own. He is comfortable in conversations that have substance.Drop him like a rock if he’s a complainer, a “momma’s boy” or shows signs of a controlling personality.
How do you find and attract these catchable and keepable men?
They are all around you. Often they are overshadowed by loud-mouthed jerk friends.
Separating this type of man from his “pack” so you can attract him can usually be accomplished by a simple short smile his way which invites him to talk with you.
The “catchable man” can be met singly in grocery stores, malls, night school classes: wherever men are not a part of a pack. Bars and clubs are not the ideal places to meet the “right man” because the environment does not often lend itself to intellectual attraction but rather the reverse: the man’s caveman response.
Libraries, museums, art shows, hobby stores, heck, you can even spot guys in Home Depot and
Sears that are single. And active in their life.
Dress appropriately, not slutty. Keep your hem stylish, your pant leg in season and your thong in your dresser drawer. You’ll have time enough for sexy dressing once you’ve been dating for a while. This shows your caught man that you dress sexy “for him” not for the world.
When a girl shows her thong, Marriage is usually wrong.
When a girl first shows her smarts, She often has all the other parts.
We all know about the “obvious” woman and how she can easily attract any man.
Show a lot of cleavage.
Be forthcoming in physical contact when meeting men, long touches on his arm and leg. Close talking that allows her breath to cross his face.And, quite simply, just being “easy”. Hooking up.
That’s how the obvious woman attracts men.
Of course the trouble with these encounters is that, for the most part, they are shallow, short-lived and empty.
I remember reading about a survey how blondes attract more men than brunettes. You know the old saying “Blondes have more fun”. It’s true if you think that attracting men strictly through physical attraction is the way to go. Men, the survey surmised, prize blondes. The general male feelings toward brunettes is that they are not “trophies” but family oriented women. Brunettes were understood to be more dependable, more geared towards marriage, more the “settle down” type.
Blondes were the height of the excitement factor, bringing out the caveman, the instinctive man, and the reactive man towards ownership of a woman.
Blondes were the “obvious” catch for a man.
And as a side survey the blondes were asked how they were treated in their relationships and they reported that they were indeed treated as if the man they were with owned them.Men reacted towards blondes with purely physical attraction traits and the dating cycle was short-lived, often sexual in nature earlier that brunettes.
The brunettes reported that they had a harder time to get initial dates but their relationships lasted longer, were more intellectual and more forward-looking. Men generally had a longer term picture of relationships with brunettes.
We can surmise from these surveys that indeed, blondes have more fun and more initial dates, but brunettes catch “The Man” more often and have more stable relationships.
Now if you are blonde I’m not suggesting you change your hair color to attract a “settling down” type of man.
And should you be brunette (or redhead) I’m not saying for you to dye your hair blonde to get more dates.
The part of female/male initial attraction qualities overlooked the sexual responses in a man that obvious women put out.
Catching a man is easy if you use your physical traits as a lure. But the problem is that you catch a guy that is interested in a purely physical relationship. A hookup. And no strings attached.
So, what is the key to not being obvious and still “Catching That Man”?
Intellectual attraction.
This “Intellectual Attraction” is when a man can see you as an equal, as a woman with compatibility towards his interests and his acceptance of yours. This is not the guy that can’t look up past your chest as you talk to him.This is the man that can open up to you as an equal, can accept that you have ideas of your own. He is comfortable in conversations that have substance.Drop him like a rock if he’s a complainer, a “momma’s boy” or shows signs of a controlling personality.
How do you find and attract these catchable and keepable men?
They are all around you. Often they are overshadowed by loud-mouthed jerk friends.
Separating this type of man from his “pack” so you can attract him can usually be accomplished by a simple short smile his way which invites him to talk with you.
The “catchable man” can be met singly in grocery stores, malls, night school classes: wherever men are not a part of a pack. Bars and clubs are not the ideal places to meet the “right man” because the environment does not often lend itself to intellectual attraction but rather the reverse: the man’s caveman response.
Libraries, museums, art shows, hobby stores, heck, you can even spot guys in Home Depot and
Sears that are single. And active in their life.
Dress appropriately, not slutty. Keep your hem stylish, your pant leg in season and your thong in your dresser drawer. You’ll have time enough for sexy dressing once you’ve been dating for a while. This shows your caught man that you dress sexy “for him” not for the world.
When a girl shows her thong, Marriage is usually wrong.
When a girl first shows her smarts, She often has all the other parts.
Monday, November 3, 2008
TEN MOST DANGEROUS MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE by: Christian Carter
MISTAKE #1: Betting Your Love Life On His “Potential”
Do you know any women who want the man they're dating to behave differently?
Of course you do. And just like me, I'm sure you have friends who date guys who don't have much going for them or who don't treat them very well.
Somehow these women always have an excuse for the guy's shortcomings. What's going on here?
It's actually very simple. Women (and men) don't base their choices of men on how “nice” or “good” someone is to them day-to-day.
Women choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Some women will continue to put up with a guy that doesn't treat them very well. Sometimes for months or years...
But why in the world would a woman do that!?
Well, to put it simply, they confuse the strong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper “connection”.
Women who do this are doomed to end up in failed relationships with the “wrong” guys.
How do I know? Because I've seen it at least a hundred times.And because I've been this guy in the past myself.
Thinking back on past dating and relationships I've had, I was selfish and didn't offer much.
I'm amazed the women put up with me. But they did...all the while hoping that I would somehow change. The women I dated hoped I'd change.
The only thing they saw in me that led them to want to keep me around was the “potential” they saw in me to share my feelings and communicate with them.
The potential for something better and the potential for me to change and be a better lover, boyfriend, companion or whatever...
The truth was, I was hopelessly bad at these things at the time.
And more importantly, I wasn't even at a place in my life where I knew how to or was interested in developing a deep and committed relationship - with ANYONE.
But deep down these women believed that if they tried hard enough, that it would make up for what was lacking.
They believed that I could become someone else with them.... and that this would be easy for us both.
Talk about a losing battle. It doesn't make a lot of “logical” sense...
But until you accept that lots of women do this AND that YOU could be doing it on some level, you'll NEVER have the success with men that you choose and want.
MISTAKE #2: Assuming You “Get” Men & Their Psychology
Men are different from women. You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a woman sees a man, she can very quickly pick apart certain things about his style, body language, status and character that will tell her all kinds of things about him.
Lot's of women don't even consciously see that they do this because the process is so obvious and simple for them.
But does the same apply for men?
As you probably already know, men are generally more visual. As a result, they often don't understand non-verbal communication as well as women. And men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and “intuition”.
Women don't seem to remember this about men.
So do men feel sexually attracted to women based just on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for years now, and talking to thousands of men and women, I can tell you that men have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Especially when it comes to longer term relationships. Looks just happen to be the most obvious way...
But looks are NOT the most powerful.
If you know how to use your body language AND communication correctly, you can make men feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see that hot, great looking guy that you got to know.
But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this. And ANY woman can learn how...
MISTAKE #3: Pretending To Be Something For A Man
In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man's attention, to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them.
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guys attention will make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them.
Wrong.
Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted to the types of women who kiss up to them, make weak plays for affection or complain to get what they want... EVER.
Don't get me wrong here. Things like being sexy for a man or encouraging him to share his feelings can be good, but it has to be genuine, unselfish, and most of all timely.
You don't have to act like an “easy” woman for men to like you, and you certainly don't have to play like he's some gift to the Earth.
Doing these things actually works to subtly, at an subconscious level, lower your social status with a man, which has EVERYTHING to do with how he sees you as a woman.
So if you think that making him more attracted to you means “playing to the man's fantasies” from the start, think again.
You'll never succeed by looking for a man's approval, finding your way into his heart through sex and not being yourself.
MISTAKE #4: Sharing How You “Feel” Too Early With Him
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most women make with men is sharing how they “feel” too early on. Listen...
Attractive, single, successful men are rare. They get a LOT of attention from women.
Most women don't realize this, but attractive men are being approached in one way or another all the time by women. And guess what?
Attractive men have usually dated a lot of women. That's right. They have EXPERIENCE. They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive men off and sends him running away faster than just about anything...
It's a woman who starts saying “You know, I really, REALLY like you” after one or two dates.
This signals to the man that you're just like one of those “clingy” stereotype women who want to rush into a relationship and can't control yourself from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives.
This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man. Don't do it. Lean back. Relax. There's a much better way...
MISTAKE #5: Misreading The Important “Signals” That Men Send
Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves.
Most women don't pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are.
The signals men send have 4 main levels:
1) Social: Where the man is at in his own life - stability, confidence, direction
2) Emotional: Whether or not he's “emotionally available”
3) Physical: If he's attracted to you... and for what reasons
4) Love State: If he's open to building and growing a relationship in the future
The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely on accident. That's great news to women...
Men can't help it! You need to learn to recognize these signals to get anywhere serious with a man.
MISTAKE #6: Relying On Your Natural Ability To Judge A Man's Character
People aren't easy to figure out. Especially men.
The last several years of my life I've spent hundreds of hours learning to understand people.
I've studied peoples behavior, “inner psychology” and more specifically how they think and act when they're dating.
From what I've seen, both men and women have their own secret ways of saying things.
But you can only see these secret communications if you know what to look for.
Women communicate with hints, body language, sarcasm, and flirting when they're first getting to know a man.
They can either directly or indirectly let men know if they're open to something more serious.
Men are different.
Men generally communicate with sarcasm, humor, cockyness and other “indirect” displays of status.
VERY RARELY will a man be able to honestly communicate to a woman whether or not he's ready or capable of developing a meaningful relationship.
Aside from their sexual interests, men send very indirect signals about where they're at.
If you don't know how to read through the signals men send, then you'll get the wrong message.
Getting the wrong messages from men causes women more pain and heartache than any other issue around.
You can avoid this pain if you learn to identify a good man from a bad one.
MISTAKE #7: Expecting A Relationship To Make You Happy
A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled.
And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens. But those are the exceptions, not the rule.
Nothing says “Run!” to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her. And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there.
Think, “controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!”
So let me be clear...
I think it's important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it's dating, a relationship, whatever.
But if a woman communicates that she's looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of her.
It doesn't have to be spoken by the woman either. If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless. This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man.
So what can you do as a woman?
You can get the man interested and involved in your life in a more “natural” way, where he'll be motivated to make you care about your happiness and fulfillment on his own.
This is the only way it really works for people - male or female.
Self-motivation is much stronger than external motivation.
But you have to know how to create this situation with a man... and it rarely happens by accident.
MISTAKE #8: Trying To “Convince” Him To Like You Or Love You
What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious?
Right! They try to “convince” the man to feel differently. Well, I have news for you...
YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, ever.
You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.
Think about it.
If a man doesn't “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being “reasonable” with him?
But we all do it. Men are the worst at this by the way.
They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts. Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man.
might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him.
When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.
Bad idea. Another one that will never work.
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing What To Do In Each Type Of Situation
man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman. And I don't mean just sex.
I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you.
And if you don't know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help!
If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help
This is the biggest mistake of all. This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want.
I know, you don't like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.
Hey, I've been there myself. Let me tell you a little about me.
Over the last few years it's been hard to watch the women around me (even those I dated) struggle to understand the men they were attracted to or dating.
It frustrated the hell out of me and I made the decision to do whatever it took to help the women
I knew learn how to be successful with men and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and doing all kinds of crazy things to learn the real-world truth about men and women, I finally figured things out for myself.
I've read hundreds of books on psychology, human behavior, dating/relationship advice for men and women, love, attraction, communication, and more. The list goes on.
I can now approach just about any situation with dating and feel confident and understand everything that's going on in an interaction.
Best of all, I've been able to share my knowledge and help women become more successful with men and dating.
It's been a very rewarding experience, and it's how I became fascinated with the female perspective in the dating world.
I've helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling... the one you get when you're lonely, you've been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says “he's not ready”.
You don't have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you'll end up alone.
Do you know any women who want the man they're dating to behave differently?
Of course you do. And just like me, I'm sure you have friends who date guys who don't have much going for them or who don't treat them very well.
Somehow these women always have an excuse for the guy's shortcomings. What's going on here?
It's actually very simple. Women (and men) don't base their choices of men on how “nice” or “good” someone is to them day-to-day.
Women choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Some women will continue to put up with a guy that doesn't treat them very well. Sometimes for months or years...
But why in the world would a woman do that!?
Well, to put it simply, they confuse the strong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper “connection”.
Women who do this are doomed to end up in failed relationships with the “wrong” guys.
How do I know? Because I've seen it at least a hundred times.And because I've been this guy in the past myself.
Thinking back on past dating and relationships I've had, I was selfish and didn't offer much.
I'm amazed the women put up with me. But they did...all the while hoping that I would somehow change. The women I dated hoped I'd change.
The only thing they saw in me that led them to want to keep me around was the “potential” they saw in me to share my feelings and communicate with them.
The potential for something better and the potential for me to change and be a better lover, boyfriend, companion or whatever...
The truth was, I was hopelessly bad at these things at the time.
And more importantly, I wasn't even at a place in my life where I knew how to or was interested in developing a deep and committed relationship - with ANYONE.
But deep down these women believed that if they tried hard enough, that it would make up for what was lacking.
They believed that I could become someone else with them.... and that this would be easy for us both.
Talk about a losing battle. It doesn't make a lot of “logical” sense...
But until you accept that lots of women do this AND that YOU could be doing it on some level, you'll NEVER have the success with men that you choose and want.
MISTAKE #2: Assuming You “Get” Men & Their Psychology
Men are different from women. You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a woman sees a man, she can very quickly pick apart certain things about his style, body language, status and character that will tell her all kinds of things about him.
Lot's of women don't even consciously see that they do this because the process is so obvious and simple for them.
But does the same apply for men?
As you probably already know, men are generally more visual. As a result, they often don't understand non-verbal communication as well as women. And men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and “intuition”.
Women don't seem to remember this about men.
So do men feel sexually attracted to women based just on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for years now, and talking to thousands of men and women, I can tell you that men have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Especially when it comes to longer term relationships. Looks just happen to be the most obvious way...
But looks are NOT the most powerful.
If you know how to use your body language AND communication correctly, you can make men feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see that hot, great looking guy that you got to know.
But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this. And ANY woman can learn how...
MISTAKE #3: Pretending To Be Something For A Man
In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man's attention, to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them.
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guys attention will make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them.
Wrong.
Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted to the types of women who kiss up to them, make weak plays for affection or complain to get what they want... EVER.
Don't get me wrong here. Things like being sexy for a man or encouraging him to share his feelings can be good, but it has to be genuine, unselfish, and most of all timely.
You don't have to act like an “easy” woman for men to like you, and you certainly don't have to play like he's some gift to the Earth.
Doing these things actually works to subtly, at an subconscious level, lower your social status with a man, which has EVERYTHING to do with how he sees you as a woman.
So if you think that making him more attracted to you means “playing to the man's fantasies” from the start, think again.
You'll never succeed by looking for a man's approval, finding your way into his heart through sex and not being yourself.
MISTAKE #4: Sharing How You “Feel” Too Early With Him
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most women make with men is sharing how they “feel” too early on. Listen...
Attractive, single, successful men are rare. They get a LOT of attention from women.
Most women don't realize this, but attractive men are being approached in one way or another all the time by women. And guess what?
Attractive men have usually dated a lot of women. That's right. They have EXPERIENCE. They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive men off and sends him running away faster than just about anything...
It's a woman who starts saying “You know, I really, REALLY like you” after one or two dates.
This signals to the man that you're just like one of those “clingy” stereotype women who want to rush into a relationship and can't control yourself from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives.
This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man. Don't do it. Lean back. Relax. There's a much better way...
MISTAKE #5: Misreading The Important “Signals” That Men Send
Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves.
Most women don't pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are.
The signals men send have 4 main levels:
1) Social: Where the man is at in his own life - stability, confidence, direction
2) Emotional: Whether or not he's “emotionally available”
3) Physical: If he's attracted to you... and for what reasons
4) Love State: If he's open to building and growing a relationship in the future
The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely on accident. That's great news to women...
Men can't help it! You need to learn to recognize these signals to get anywhere serious with a man.
MISTAKE #6: Relying On Your Natural Ability To Judge A Man's Character
People aren't easy to figure out. Especially men.
The last several years of my life I've spent hundreds of hours learning to understand people.
I've studied peoples behavior, “inner psychology” and more specifically how they think and act when they're dating.
From what I've seen, both men and women have their own secret ways of saying things.
But you can only see these secret communications if you know what to look for.
Women communicate with hints, body language, sarcasm, and flirting when they're first getting to know a man.
They can either directly or indirectly let men know if they're open to something more serious.
Men are different.
Men generally communicate with sarcasm, humor, cockyness and other “indirect” displays of status.
VERY RARELY will a man be able to honestly communicate to a woman whether or not he's ready or capable of developing a meaningful relationship.
Aside from their sexual interests, men send very indirect signals about where they're at.
If you don't know how to read through the signals men send, then you'll get the wrong message.
Getting the wrong messages from men causes women more pain and heartache than any other issue around.
You can avoid this pain if you learn to identify a good man from a bad one.
MISTAKE #7: Expecting A Relationship To Make You Happy
A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled.
And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens. But those are the exceptions, not the rule.
Nothing says “Run!” to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her. And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there.
Think, “controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!”
So let me be clear...
I think it's important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it's dating, a relationship, whatever.
But if a woman communicates that she's looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of her.
It doesn't have to be spoken by the woman either. If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless. This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man.
So what can you do as a woman?
You can get the man interested and involved in your life in a more “natural” way, where he'll be motivated to make you care about your happiness and fulfillment on his own.
This is the only way it really works for people - male or female.
Self-motivation is much stronger than external motivation.
But you have to know how to create this situation with a man... and it rarely happens by accident.
MISTAKE #8: Trying To “Convince” Him To Like You Or Love You
What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious?
Right! They try to “convince” the man to feel differently. Well, I have news for you...
YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, ever.
You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.
Think about it.
If a man doesn't “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being “reasonable” with him?
But we all do it. Men are the worst at this by the way.
They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts. Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man.
might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him.
When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.
Bad idea. Another one that will never work.
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing What To Do In Each Type Of Situation
man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman. And I don't mean just sex.
I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you.
And if you don't know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help!
If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help
This is the biggest mistake of all. This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want.
I know, you don't like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.
Hey, I've been there myself. Let me tell you a little about me.
Over the last few years it's been hard to watch the women around me (even those I dated) struggle to understand the men they were attracted to or dating.
It frustrated the hell out of me and I made the decision to do whatever it took to help the women
I knew learn how to be successful with men and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and doing all kinds of crazy things to learn the real-world truth about men and women, I finally figured things out for myself.
I've read hundreds of books on psychology, human behavior, dating/relationship advice for men and women, love, attraction, communication, and more. The list goes on.
I can now approach just about any situation with dating and feel confident and understand everything that's going on in an interaction.
Best of all, I've been able to share my knowledge and help women become more successful with men and dating.
It's been a very rewarding experience, and it's how I became fascinated with the female perspective in the dating world.
I've helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling... the one you get when you're lonely, you've been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says “he's not ready”.
You don't have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you'll end up alone.
The 3 Deadly Mistakes Women Make With Men Without EVER Realizing It...by: Christian Carter
Through my research and personal experience, I've found that these 3 mistakes are responsible for more failed dates and relationships with men than any other factors.
Here they are:
» Mistake #1: Leading A Man To Think You Are "Needy" And "Insecure"
Did you know that there are 6 ways you can set off a man's "Insecurity Alert" and make him think twice about pursuing a relationship with you?
Sadly, even confident women often "accidentally" give off one of these signs... and just one can kill the chance of a man asking you on a second date.
As you read through these signals men pick up on as "needy" and unattractive, ask yourself if YOU have ever been guilty of committing one of these deadly mistakes:
Talking or saying nasty things about your past boyfriends. Saying bad things about men you have been involved with actually reflects the negatively back on YOU. It makes a man worry you are carrying around "baggage" that HE will have to deal with should he become involved with you.
Speaking negatively about other women. When women call other women names like "slut", "bitch", and "crazy", it is anything but impressive to a man you are attracted you. Women will often do this when they see a good looking, desirable woman, especially if they feel their man might be attracted to her. This just makes a man think you are trying to cover up your own insecurities, and looking for validation and attention. Not good.
Too much physical contact, especially in public.If you are constantly hanging on a man or touching him too much he'll start to see it as clingy behavior... but you'll never hear about this from him. It's far better to save your touches for short and infrequent moments that will surprise and enchant him.
The next 3 are far deadlier, but less obvious... and it's important that you learn what they are and how to avoid giving them off.
But before I show you how to do that, let's talk about mistake #2:
» Mistake #2: Appealing To His "Sexual" Side Instead Of His Emotional Side
Many women make the mistake of thinking that men are primarily driven by sex alone... and think if they can attract a man SEXUALLY they will be able to attract him EMOTIONALLY as well.
Women too often give up sex to a man in the hopes that it will translate into a relationship and get them what they want. In reality, a man has the capacity to view a sexual connection and an emotional connection as two entirely different things, and it requires a special set of skills to mold these two things together in a man's mind... and keep them connected.
Men are out for far more than just sex... and a woman who knows how to fulfill a man EMOTIONALLY and SEXUALLY will be the woman who captures a man's heart... and gets that same fulfillment for HERSELF. In a moment, I'll show you how you can learn to do just that...
» Mistake #3: Not Knowing How To Size Up A Man's "Relationship Potential"
A lot of women will decide whether or not they should put energy into building a relationship with a man based on ATTRACTION.
Yes, attraction is important. But it can also be DANGEROUS.
When we feel a strong sense of attraction for someone, it can cause us to override our logic and ignore our instincts... leading us to overlook potential partner's deadly faults that could spell trouble down the road.
If you've ever found yourself stuck in a relationship that is dragging you down, this is probably why.
It's important to be able to size a guy up and spot any "warning signs" of a future bad relationship FAST... so you don't waste any of your time or emotional energy on someone who isn't right for you... or who will leave you heartbroken. Fortunately this is a fairly easy thing to do, and I'd like to show you how...
Here they are:
» Mistake #1: Leading A Man To Think You Are "Needy" And "Insecure"
Did you know that there are 6 ways you can set off a man's "Insecurity Alert" and make him think twice about pursuing a relationship with you?
Sadly, even confident women often "accidentally" give off one of these signs... and just one can kill the chance of a man asking you on a second date.
As you read through these signals men pick up on as "needy" and unattractive, ask yourself if YOU have ever been guilty of committing one of these deadly mistakes:
Talking or saying nasty things about your past boyfriends. Saying bad things about men you have been involved with actually reflects the negatively back on YOU. It makes a man worry you are carrying around "baggage" that HE will have to deal with should he become involved with you.
Speaking negatively about other women. When women call other women names like "slut", "bitch", and "crazy", it is anything but impressive to a man you are attracted you. Women will often do this when they see a good looking, desirable woman, especially if they feel their man might be attracted to her. This just makes a man think you are trying to cover up your own insecurities, and looking for validation and attention. Not good.
Too much physical contact, especially in public.If you are constantly hanging on a man or touching him too much he'll start to see it as clingy behavior... but you'll never hear about this from him. It's far better to save your touches for short and infrequent moments that will surprise and enchant him.
The next 3 are far deadlier, but less obvious... and it's important that you learn what they are and how to avoid giving them off.
But before I show you how to do that, let's talk about mistake #2:
» Mistake #2: Appealing To His "Sexual" Side Instead Of His Emotional Side
Many women make the mistake of thinking that men are primarily driven by sex alone... and think if they can attract a man SEXUALLY they will be able to attract him EMOTIONALLY as well.
Women too often give up sex to a man in the hopes that it will translate into a relationship and get them what they want. In reality, a man has the capacity to view a sexual connection and an emotional connection as two entirely different things, and it requires a special set of skills to mold these two things together in a man's mind... and keep them connected.
Men are out for far more than just sex... and a woman who knows how to fulfill a man EMOTIONALLY and SEXUALLY will be the woman who captures a man's heart... and gets that same fulfillment for HERSELF. In a moment, I'll show you how you can learn to do just that...
» Mistake #3: Not Knowing How To Size Up A Man's "Relationship Potential"
A lot of women will decide whether or not they should put energy into building a relationship with a man based on ATTRACTION.
Yes, attraction is important. But it can also be DANGEROUS.
When we feel a strong sense of attraction for someone, it can cause us to override our logic and ignore our instincts... leading us to overlook potential partner's deadly faults that could spell trouble down the road.
If you've ever found yourself stuck in a relationship that is dragging you down, this is probably why.
It's important to be able to size a guy up and spot any "warning signs" of a future bad relationship FAST... so you don't waste any of your time or emotional energy on someone who isn't right for you... or who will leave you heartbroken. Fortunately this is a fairly easy thing to do, and I'd like to show you how...
CATCH him, KEEP him: A Woman's Giude To Finding Mr. Right & Keeping Him Hooked For Good by: Christian Carter
An Open Letter To A Woman Who Wants To ATTRACT And KEEP Mr. Right...
Dear Friend,
I'd like to ask you a few questions. Be open and honest with yourself as you answer them...
Have you ever met a guy who seemed to be "Mr. Right", but after getting to know him better you could tell that he just didn't feel that same level of "connection" you felt?
You were attracted to him, but he just wasn't into you the same way you were into him?
In your mind, you could sense what a great guy he was, and that, somewhere deep inside, you both shared this strong "chemistry" that made you feel close and comfortable. But for some reason he didn't want to truly connect with you.
Another one...
Have you ever slept with a guy very quickly after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened: He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Honestly, have you ever had this happen?
Of course, the worst part wasn't that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn't have done it in the first place... but you did it anyway.
And finally:
Have you ever dated a great guy for a long time... I'm talking about six months, twelve months, or even longer... and it was getting to the point where you needed to have "the talk" with him. But when you tried to bring up the topic of having a relationship and making a bigger commitment, his eyes just glazed over... and then he became distant from you... and the relationship ended soon after?
You were trying to get CLOSER to him, and somehow he kept moving farther AWAY from you.
I'm guessing that when one of these things happened, your girlfriends said things like:
"He's just a jerk, forget about him".
Or they said: "He doesn't see the mistake he's making or what he'll be missing". But he never seemed to see these mistakes... or even miss you.
And the worst part of all: You kept thinking about it.
In fact, it really GOT TO YOU. And I'll bet the REASON why it got to you is because you worried that it might have been something to do with YOU (and not just because he was a total jerk).
In fact, TO THIS DAY you still have the feeling that YOU may have done something wrong, and that you may have CAUSED some of the problems in the first place... and if you would have known the RIGHT thing to do, things would have turned out differently...
Unfortunately, the bad news is that you're probably right.
Chances are you DID have something to do with it, and things probably WOULD have turned out differently if you would have known how to deal with the situation.
You COULD have done something about it... if only you had known WHAT to do...
***find out MORE*** ---just keep reading
Dear Friend,
I'd like to ask you a few questions. Be open and honest with yourself as you answer them...
Have you ever met a guy who seemed to be "Mr. Right", but after getting to know him better you could tell that he just didn't feel that same level of "connection" you felt?
You were attracted to him, but he just wasn't into you the same way you were into him?
In your mind, you could sense what a great guy he was, and that, somewhere deep inside, you both shared this strong "chemistry" that made you feel close and comfortable. But for some reason he didn't want to truly connect with you.
Another one...
Have you ever slept with a guy very quickly after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened: He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Honestly, have you ever had this happen?
Of course, the worst part wasn't that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn't have done it in the first place... but you did it anyway.
And finally:
Have you ever dated a great guy for a long time... I'm talking about six months, twelve months, or even longer... and it was getting to the point where you needed to have "the talk" with him. But when you tried to bring up the topic of having a relationship and making a bigger commitment, his eyes just glazed over... and then he became distant from you... and the relationship ended soon after?
You were trying to get CLOSER to him, and somehow he kept moving farther AWAY from you.
I'm guessing that when one of these things happened, your girlfriends said things like:
"He's just a jerk, forget about him".
Or they said: "He doesn't see the mistake he's making or what he'll be missing". But he never seemed to see these mistakes... or even miss you.
And the worst part of all: You kept thinking about it.
In fact, it really GOT TO YOU. And I'll bet the REASON why it got to you is because you worried that it might have been something to do with YOU (and not just because he was a total jerk).
In fact, TO THIS DAY you still have the feeling that YOU may have done something wrong, and that you may have CAUSED some of the problems in the first place... and if you would have known the RIGHT thing to do, things would have turned out differently...
Unfortunately, the bad news is that you're probably right.
Chances are you DID have something to do with it, and things probably WOULD have turned out differently if you would have known how to deal with the situation.
You COULD have done something about it... if only you had known WHAT to do...
***find out MORE*** ---just keep reading
The Salty Coffee
He met her on a party, she was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her,while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to politeness, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me back home. Suddenly he asked the waiter: would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee.
Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby? He replied: when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could felt the taste of the sea, salty and bite, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I will think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who still living there. Saying that, tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart.
"A man who can tell out his homesick, he must be a man loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home," she thought. Then she also started to talk, talked about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continue to date. She found actually he was a man who meets all her demands: he was tolerance, kind hearted, warm, careful...he was such a good guy but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!
Then the story was just like every beautiful love story: the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life...And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked.
After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you, the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It's hard for me to change so I just go ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste..but I have the salty coffee for my whole life since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, I still want to know you and have you as my whole life wife, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again." Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her: What's the taste of salty coffee?
It's sweet. She replied.
Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby? He replied: when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could felt the taste of the sea, salty and bite, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I will think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who still living there. Saying that, tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart.
"A man who can tell out his homesick, he must be a man loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home," she thought. Then she also started to talk, talked about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continue to date. She found actually he was a man who meets all her demands: he was tolerance, kind hearted, warm, careful...he was such a good guy but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!
Then the story was just like every beautiful love story: the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life...And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked.
After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you, the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It's hard for me to change so I just go ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste..but I have the salty coffee for my whole life since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, I still want to know you and have you as my whole life wife, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again." Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her: What's the taste of salty coffee?
It's sweet. She replied.
10 HUSBANDS, still a VIRGIN
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
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